Hi seekingwholeness,

During my marriage, and after it ended, I took responsibility for things that I did in our marriage. That has never been an issue for me to do that. I am if anything honest with people. One thing I haven’t been for the last 4 years is rage filled. It’s just lately again, that I am upset about this, because of all the struggles I’ve had to face because of this. Why do I have to meet with this selfish vain person and give her something more to justify what she did? Why couldn’t I just say to myself that I forgive her and be done with it? Really, I don’t forgive her right now.
She spent an entire year cheating on me. On top of that, she spent an entire year berating me and attacking my self esteem at every turn. Our finances suffering because she was more focused on that a***hole an taking care of our family. The year leading up to finding out about her sleazy affair, I felt like shit almost everyday. When it came down to finding out, I was already a weak person.

For a lot of years, I did more for my kids than she every did. All lessons, appointments, teacher interviews, I set up and took them to them. Even now, I still do pretty much everything. They are taken care of because I actually care. She always comes first, no matter what.

In time I will start feeling better about this. I know I’ve been a good dad and I still am. I know that I will be a good man that the right woman will appreciate when I find her. I honestly don’t believe that you have to meet with a sleazy, self centered, vain lowlife and justify them tearing a family apart. I made mistakes in my marriage. They weren’t big ones. I wasn’t trying to hurt someone and I never made her feel like she wasn’t wanted by me. I fought for my marriage and it was important to me. She threw 19 years away for a loser who lived with his parents. I don’t need to talk to someone like her and tell her everything is ok. She didn’t and doesn’t have a conscience.
I don’t believe you have to meet with people who have wronged you to move on. I don’t think it will hang over your head forever if you don’t. I think if I just start moving forward in a positive direction, I don’t need to involve my negative past.
A while after my marriage was done, I saw what a negative part of my life she was. I became even a better parent when she was gone. The boys are always happier when they are with me. Dating those other women, I saw that other women don’t act the way she did. I know what I had and I know there are better women out there. You really don’t know what I lived with and I don’t want to be friends with someone like her.