Hi M,

Your story reminds me a lot about myself in that I have also spent years building up walls only to discover that it’s a prison. Then one day, one woman managed to break in despite all odds and she suddenly held the key to my happiness. Like you things didn’t work out for me and I also subjected myself to similar humiliations but now that I am in the other side of it, let me share a few things I’ve learned.

1) The more you beg her, the less she will feel attracted to you because it comes across as needy and desperate. So don’t wait for her to break up with her bf. In fact go no contact if you can and delete her from Facebook.

2) Even though you two are no longer together, she gave you a wonderful gift in the form of letting you know that you can love. Think of it this way, just because your car broke down it doesn’t take away your capacity to drive.

3) Women that always need to be in a relationship is a major red flag because it indicates that they can’t stand being alone. The more you feed this, the worst it becomes until one day you realise that no matter what you say or do for this person, it’s not enough and they moved on to someone else in order to get that feeling if falling in love again.

There’s a lot of great advice here about getting over a heart break. The key is to take this as a lesson and learn to open your heart not just to romantic relationships but all kinds of relationships in your life. When you let more people in, you will become less fixated on just one person. This is important if you want to move forward to having healthy loving relationships.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Yue.