Britt,

Once upon a time, I met a man I quickly developed feelings for. He was tall, handsome, witty, capable and fun to be around. We began a relationship and it quickly blossomed. We spent all of our free time together and things got heated pretty quickly. About four months after we met (we kept our horses at the same barn) I heard a friend of his mentioning his wife and….wait for it….child. I was within earshot and, although he abruptly switched topics, he knew I had heard the conversation. Later, I confronted him about it and he said that he hadn’t told me because he cared about me and didn’t want to scare me off…etc.etc. and that it was no big deal because they were in the process of getting divorced. Their baby was five months old at this point (which obviously means we had gotten together immediately after its birth) and both the wife and child were across the country. I was horrified but, since I liked him, I continued the relationship with him, trusting that what he was telling me was true and that all would be well.

I was wrong. I spent about a year with him and over the course of that year, he slept with numerous other women (his wife included), he lied in ways I didn’t realize were humanly possible, he raged at me for asking questions, and he effectively banged my heart up and made it really difficult to have a normal relationship for several years after that. I stayed with him because he told me what I wanted to hear — that he loved me and that I was “the one” (for what it’s worth, he got back together with his wife and had two more children with her) and that things would work out between us if I could only be patient. Because I was young and ill-equipped and struck dumb by the absurdity of the situation, I stayed and I waited and I put myself entirely on the back burner in order to make an impossible relationship work. I blew off my family and my friends. I treated myself and my life terribly and, in the end, all the pain was redoubled because I hadn’t just walked away when I first heard about that wife and that baby girl. If I have one major regret in life…it is that relationship.

So…here’s my advice to you. Run away and do it now. I know that you have feelings for this man but there is no good that can come of this. Relationships (the good ones) are built on honor, integrity, trust and mutual respect. Not only has this man shown you none of these things but I doubt whether he is actually capable of showing ANYONE these things. The fact that two other women have divorced him is evidence enough of this. In deference to yourself, your self-respect and the state of your heart, hit the road and do it fast. You’ll look back later and be grateful.

Also, please reach out to me if you want to talk about these things. I know where you’re at and I know how difficult it is. You have my thoughts and my support as well as my staunch urging…leave. Now.

Best,

Ashley