Hm, that’s a tricky situation you’re in.

A few things come to mind.

1. You can take your power back. It’s going to be tough because for so long you’ve been giving it to him, and even now that he’s not the great looming presence in your life that he was, it feels like he’s still sapping your power. But actually, it’s not him sapping it. It’s you giving it away. Once you know that deeply, you will find ways to stop giving it away. It comes from you. Give it to you.

2. On a practical level, is there any way you can apply for a switch of roommates? I don’t know how this works but if you can swing that I think it will make a big difference, even if you don’t hang out socially.

3. This will take time. Growing your self-esteem, your ability to connect with people and your happiness will be a long term project. Don’t be down on yourself or feel disheartened if you don’t feel better straight away, or if you still have bad days (or really bad days). That’s a natural part of the growing process. Just continue to do the things and take the steps that you decide will help you grow.

4. I could suggest things that will help you grow these qualities in your life, but I don’t know what will be right for you, and the list of possibilities is almost endless. So this is just a quick list to get you thinking. Join a club or society; try to make small talk with someone you don’t know every morning; meditate; choose a subject in your studies and ask the teacher if you can do extra work for extra credit, working closely with the teacher; plan an outing to a different city (maybe a weekend trip) and go there; or a museum, theatre, whatever; invite someone along; go on your own; write a letter expressing your feelings to your roommate; write a letter forgiving him; post them; don’t post them; have a look at your wardrobe and think about what your style is, and how you could express your personality through your clothes; express yourself through a different art form; join a support group; get involved in student politics; wait no, for pity’s sake don’t get involved in student politics; what am I saying it might be right for you.

You get the idea. Basically, think of something to do that you wouldn’t normally do and that feels a bit weird or uncomfortable, then do it, then monitor how you feel and adjust your actions until they feel empowering and you feel like you’re getting closer to yourself. Maybe these examples are way out there for you. You can start small. You can start really small.

Repeat.

You’ll find more and more freedom and happiness as you keep working on this through the years. Know you’re not alone. Most people have some shit from their childhood dragging them down, and most seem happy on the surface regardless. Many of us actually make it to real happy, too. I hope you will find your way.

All my best wishes.