Hi again. Hope you’re feeling a little better. I think you should start by taking baby steps to achieve your goal of being who you want to be. From what you’ve said I totally don’t think you’re completeley broken to the point of no return. Youre so young and can easily change your life around but its important to take small steps to achieve your goals. Have you ever considered any CBT or other therapies? I once had a course of mindfulness based CBT and it worked well in pointing me in the right direction. The answers lie within you, believe me on that. Be aware of negative self talk and when you find yourself talking in that way let it pass over you and don’t engage in it. Really research mindfulness, it’ll help you more than any anti-depressnt ever will. You hold the key to your own happiness!! 🙂