Wow, this is tough. It sounds like you’ve finally taken responsibility for your own actions and your unhappiness by moving back to be with your family. That must have been a tough decision. And now you’re stuck between your family and kids, and the woman you still love.

You don’t say much about the circumstances of the break-up. How did she respond? What is her attitude towards your family/your children? You say it doesn’t seem too much to ask of her to join you, because you did the same when you first got married. The difference is, when you first got married, you were mad in love and didn’t have 5 years of projected “toxic stew” sitting between you.

I can’t read her mind, and I don’t know much about the situation, but I can think of reasons why she wouldn’t want to move house to be with you after you left her. You know how hard it is to leave your life behind. And she has no promise of rainbows and bunny-rabbits if she does move. She’s likely looking at a lot of processing, possibly awkwardness with your family and kids, and the repair of a relationship she might already think of as over.

You had a very tough decision to make. Now that you’ve made the choice, it’s hurting. I think that was inevitable. Allow yourself time to grieve and regret, but work on building your new life, based on the choice you made. I hope it works out for you.