OK, so, it sounds like you’re on the right track, but the stuff you’ve been writing is really quite worrying. I think you should talk to a therapist if that’s at all possible, or maybe a religious leader or just someone who can give you some perspective. I think the way you view some of this stuff is not very healthy.

I hope you’ll keep working on the bitterness and anger. Stop feeding it. Don’t let your mind go down those well-trodden tracks. And the only reason you need to let go of that stuff is your son. I mean, you’re upset about all this because you care for him, right? Because you wanted to be there when he was born, wanted to love him as he came into this world.

So don’t bring anger and conflict into his life as he grows up. Don’t be nasty to the other adults in his life. Do you know how confusing that is to a young child? Don’t say you don’t care about his grandfather. That’s his family. Whatever kind of man he is, to that little boy he’s going to be immensely important. Try to make an effort to get along with the people who are important to your son. For his sake, let go of your anger.

This is the key right here:

I’ve always dragged up the past s*it she did as a reminder of what she done to me (which is my problem, the past stuff she done) & she obviously hates me bringing it up. But I always felt that because I’m hurting she needs to be reminded of the fact she caused it. I’ve been in the victim role too long now though & I want out.

What you’re saying here is, she made me hurt so I’m going to make you hurt. But how will that help anyone? How will that affect your son? She’s his mother, you hurt her, you hurt him. It’s that simple. Yes, you’ve been in the victim role for too long, so just give it up. The past is the past. Your job is now to provide a harmonious world for your son to grow up in. And if some of that has to be a bit of a facade sometimes because you don’t actually like these people, then fake it as best you can.

Love your son. Everything else will flow from there.