“If my ex got married for example, my son will be calling the other guy by his name. There will be no deviation from this. I’m daddy, & nobody else.”

Or what? Or you’ll do what?

You say you’re not a control freak but you do assume control over all kinds of issues you just don’t have a say over. Or you think you should have control over these things, and get very upset when it turns out you don’t. But you don’t get a say over who your ex sleeps with after you break up. That’s just not how it works. You seem to believe that you should have had a say. Or that she wronged you somehow by having other relationships after you guys broke up. She did nothing wrong. If you’re upset it’s for you to deal with that, you don’t get to harass her about it. Deal with your own bad feelings, she’s got nothing to do with it.

And you also don’t get a say in what your son will call his stepfather (if any). You say you won’t accept anyone else taking the role of daddy, but what are you planning to do about it? Answer that question, and then ask yourself this: how is that going to affect your son? Will that make his life easier or more complicated? Will that fill him with the deep-seated belief that the adults in his life can be trusted and have his best interests at heart, or will it fill him with confusion and doubt?

And, finally, whose feelings should be given the most consideration here? Whose feelings should be tiptoed around and coddled? Yours, or those of the little boy?

You’re a victim only of your overblown pride. It is burning you up, and it will continue to consume you unless you work to get a handle on it. I’m sorry you couldn’t be there when your son was born. That hurts like hell, I get that. But life hurts sometimes. The pain you’re in right now is all self-inflicted. You’re holding on to stuff that’s only hurting you. Please just let go.

It sounds like you’re working towards that already, and that’s good. Keep letting go. Don’t bring it up now, and don’t hold on to it for later. It still won’t do you any good later. It will only keep hurting you.

Good luck. I hope you find peace with this.