Dear Anita

Thank you very much for the kind words. To tell you about the part you didn’t understand. Like, if I heard now that she’d need a new hearth, I would get down there, and volunteerly give my hearth to her. And I wouldn’t even tell her cause I know she wouldn’t let me do it, but I’d still do it. And from that point on, you can imagine how I feel.

I’ve never been a one woman guy, never let anyone close to my feelings and into my life to deep. Then I decided to trust somebody, and it was all perfect, untill I moved away. She changed her mind with time to stay, even tough she was telling me how she wants to leave the place she is, and no matter where as long as we’re together, and that we’ll be together forever.

Right now I feel pain, but am also confused, have no goals like I had before the relationship, have no lust for life, am angry, and have many more different feelings. It’s a real mess in my head and I don’t know what to think, how to behave, what to do, what to look forward and so on. That’s why I told you I feel lost.

In one hand, I want to love and be loved again, in the other hand I never want to be close with someone and just have meaningless sex. And at the same point I want somebody, and don’t have the urge to be with somebody.

I know it all sonunds confusing, but try to imagine the chaos in my head then.

If you have some materials where I can learn more about mindfulness and dealing with those situations, I’d really appreciate it. I wanna become a strong independent male who doesn’t need anybody in his life, but also isn’t alone (if you know what I mean)