Ty for the kind words, but mate, 4 years of greveing are really too much. And I’m gonna be honest with you, you should move on. Just take look on the internet and you’ll see only a tiny fraction of beautiful women out there. And I don’t mean you should find someone who’s beautiful only on the outside, cause that has no future and that person has to grow to be beautiful on the inside as well. Yeah it is hard, but you can also put a positive spin on it. She doesn’t know what you’re doing or where you are or how you are, and that’s a good thing. Cause now you have the time and space to work on yourself and be if nothing else just a bit better version than the day before. And when she sees you in a few months/years, she’ll see all the changes and say wow. She also might want you back, but I doubt it that you’ll want her back cause when you change your toughts and goals change too.

Tell me, why did she deserve all of this attention that you’re giving to her? If you wait for her, that’s like rewarding her bad behaviour, and she’ll see that she doesn’t have to better herself to have you. The only way to be happy is to be sure of who you are and be happy with it, without needing outisde confirmation.

I too still feel bad but it’s been 2 months for me since the break up, and I’ve been actively wokring on myself every day since then. Why should I suffer for the rest of my life just cause someone decided to go? You wanna go? Then go. Fine with me. I know who I am, what I bring to the table, and what she’ll be missing out on. Plus I’m growing every single day as a man and there is more and more every day to miss. So it’s her loss. Cause I’m also aware how many beautifull women are out there, and who knows, mabye I’ll find someone who’s better suited for me than her, but I’ll never know if I stay depressed and focused because someone didn’t know how to deal and express their feelings, and left when it got a bit hard. And to be honest you don’t want sucha a person in your life, who gets out when it gets a bit rough. You should focus on being your best self and the right person I believe will come along into your life.

Mabye with time she’ll want to come back to you, but then you’ll be the one who’s gonna decide what’s to happen and she’d have to give a lot of effort into it all to win you back over. I know I’m that type of guy and you can be too. Don’t waste your life on a memory or an illusion, cause you have nothing from it and you’ll never get the time back.

I still miss the things I had with her, but that doesn’t mean I should stop living my life and enyoing it. Decide now how your life is gonna go on. You have two paths to go. Stay as you are, be sad, and don’t give it a chance to get better, or work every day on yourself and with time become this awesome independent individual who lives life to the fullest. 🙂

Thank you Anita for the kind wokrds 🙂

Update: I just came home from work and I decided during the day that I’m gonna stop being depressed. It’s not productive or healthy at all and I don’t need it in my life. So, every time a negative tought comes to my mind im gonna replace it with a positive and a happy one. I know it’s gonna be hard, but the way it’s going on now, it would last forever.

I know it’s not gonna be a walk trough the park, but it’s gonna be worth it and for now, I see it as the only possible solution for this state I’m currently in. Will keep you updated on my progress success.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by rodrigo.

Hey Anita

I really don’t know anymore. I feel kinda neutral but then again I miss her and still feel empty inside, like a huge part of me is missing. I try to focus on other things, and have started learning about the stock market, but I don’t know. Everything I do feels like I’m donig to mabye be able to get her back one day, or if we ever meet again, she could see what a mistake breaking up it was and how much I’ve grown as a man. It just doesn’t feel right. That person takes up way too much of my time, and I’m starting to feel like I can’t get her out of my mind.

Yesterday I’ve spoken to a friend from the country I come, and we both agreed that this process is taking so long cause I’m alone in this new place and have no one to turn to. I know I could find new people to hang out with, but I also know that they don’t care about my problems, and that they probbably have stuff of their own that they struggle with.

Everybody is still saying, keep yourself busy, be happy, don’t worry, something better is comeing, blablabla, but I just can’t see it. This whole thing doesn’t pain me as much as it did before, but it still hurts and the biggest problem for me is the empty hole i feel inside of me. Like I said many times before, I really gave my whole self into that relationship and it was, I can say with confidence, my first big love. I’ve dated before and had girlfriends but that was nothing compared to this. And now I gotta find the strenght to continue, move on and be happy, but who should I share that with?

I’m really getting sick and tired of those empty and lost feelings and toughts I have. And I know that I sound depressing right now, but I really can’t help it anymore. Have no more words to describe it.

Well to be honest, it really sucks still. 2 months have passed and I haven’t been able to not to think about it for a single day. And by that I dont mean think once a day about it. No. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for the entire day. There’re like holes in the days where I’m able to focus on something else, but the majority of the day, it preety much occupies my mind, and is slowly driving me crazy.

Now that I’ve decided to learn about the stock market and become a successful individual, I’ve been able to put those negative and hurting toughts away more, but they’re still there, and if I could, I would eliminate them for good, but I don’t know how.

People have been telling me that time will heal it, and it will all pass. After 2 months I feel better, but not alot. I feel like the pain has gone away just a bit, and the majority of it is still here with me. Next I’ve heared to keep busy, and so I did. I’m busy with my new job, which ain’t great but hey, everybody needs to start somewhere. If I’m not working, I keep myself busy by reading books, listening to music, podcasts, going to the gym, and so on. And despite of all that, she’s still on my mind. She like popps up for no reason, and brings all the pain with her cause it all remembers me that I lost something I loved with every cell in my body and was never so happy before. People have said to me not to think of her and that whole situation. But to be honest I can’t controll it. This things just happen and it really sucks. Then as last thing people said to me to surround myself with friends and family. Well I can’t do that cause I live in a new city in a completely different country where I don’t have or know anybody, and that’s the main reason my relationship broke up, cause of the distance and cause of her saying she isn’t strong enough to have a long distance relationship, and to be with someone who she has but than again doesn’t have.

Those are the reasons I keep struggling with this for so long and why that’s so hard on me.

P.S. This was the short version

Dear Anita

Thank you very much for the kind words. To tell you about the part you didn’t understand. Like, if I heard now that she’d need a new hearth, I would get down there, and volunteerly give my hearth to her. And I wouldn’t even tell her cause I know she wouldn’t let me do it, but I’d still do it. And from that point on, you can imagine how I feel.

I’ve never been a one woman guy, never let anyone close to my feelings and into my life to deep. Then I decided to trust somebody, and it was all perfect, untill I moved away. She changed her mind with time to stay, even tough she was telling me how she wants to leave the place she is, and no matter where as long as we’re together, and that we’ll be together forever.

Right now I feel pain, but am also confused, have no goals like I had before the relationship, have no lust for life, am angry, and have many more different feelings. It’s a real mess in my head and I don’t know what to think, how to behave, what to do, what to look forward and so on. That’s why I told you I feel lost.

In one hand, I want to love and be loved again, in the other hand I never want to be close with someone and just have meaningless sex. And at the same point I want somebody, and don’t have the urge to be with somebody.

I know it all sonunds confusing, but try to imagine the chaos in my head then.

If you have some materials where I can learn more about mindfulness and dealing with those situations, I’d really appreciate it. I wanna become a strong independent male who doesn’t need anybody in his life, but also isn’t alone (if you know what I mean)