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rodrigo

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #77485
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Could it be that you just miss the closeness and that it’s the reason for you feeling this way? Just asking. Mabye if you get closer with your friends and family that it’ll stop. Or are the people around you putting the pressure on you. Cause when you say I’m 30 and shouldn’t behave like that, it looks like it. Just sharing my opinion, am no expert 😛

    #77477
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Sorry for the late reply but I was a bit busy with work. Ty for the kind words againg and to ansewr our question, yes you did help, alot, and I’m forever thankfull for that. You were there for me as the other people who helped with you and it ment the world to me.

    I know now much more about myself than I did 2 months ago, and am a much stronger individual. Yeah it still feels empty inside sometimes, and it still hurts a bit, but it’s nothing compared to who terrible it was. I don’t know what destiny has planned for me, and if I’m gonna reconnect with her, or find someone who’s better suited for me and makes me happier, but I know who I wanna become in the future and that with consistant daily work on myself, I’ll get there and be happy with my life.

    Life is rough sometimes, but that’s ok, cause if it weren’t, people wouldn’t see how strong they really are, and if mabye they’re not at that point, they’ll develop themselves trought that struggle to be better before it knocked on their door.

    And about the break ups and the heartbreaks. I still think they suck, but then again I realised taht they’re one of the greatest growth periods that people have. And if you want your ex back that’s the only way to do it. Self improvement. Cause if you cry about how hard it is, it will never get better, and also, you’ll stay the same weak self that your ex walked away from. Now in my example, the relationship broke cause of the distance, and it crushed me. But again I decided to make myself into a man who is mentally and financially stable so it doesn’t happen again.

    I hope that the people who’re going trough the same stuff find this post and learn from my struggle, and know that it’s going to be better. It’s not gonna be easy, but it’s also not gonna last forever.

    Now I can calmly say that I wish her all the best in life and truly want her to be happy, cause she was nice to me and everything was great, and I’m thankfull to have experianced such a thing in my life. Don’t know what the future is gonna bring to me, but I know I’m gonna be prepared.

    Love you all. HAve a nice day <3 🙂

    #77413
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Ty for the kind words, but mate, 4 years of greveing are really too much. And I’m gonna be honest with you, you should move on. Just take look on the internet and you’ll see only a tiny fraction of beautiful women out there. And I don’t mean you should find someone who’s beautiful only on the outside, cause that has no future and that person has to grow to be beautiful on the inside as well. Yeah it is hard, but you can also put a positive spin on it. She doesn’t know what you’re doing or where you are or how you are, and that’s a good thing. Cause now you have the time and space to work on yourself and be if nothing else just a bit better version than the day before. And when she sees you in a few months/years, she’ll see all the changes and say wow. She also might want you back, but I doubt it that you’ll want her back cause when you change your toughts and goals change too.

    Tell me, why did she deserve all of this attention that you’re giving to her? If you wait for her, that’s like rewarding her bad behaviour, and she’ll see that she doesn’t have to better herself to have you. The only way to be happy is to be sure of who you are and be happy with it, without needing outisde confirmation.

    I too still feel bad but it’s been 2 months for me since the break up, and I’ve been actively wokring on myself every day since then. Why should I suffer for the rest of my life just cause someone decided to go? You wanna go? Then go. Fine with me. I know who I am, what I bring to the table, and what she’ll be missing out on. Plus I’m growing every single day as a man and there is more and more every day to miss. So it’s her loss. Cause I’m also aware how many beautifull women are out there, and who knows, mabye I’ll find someone who’s better suited for me than her, but I’ll never know if I stay depressed and focused because someone didn’t know how to deal and express their feelings, and left when it got a bit hard. And to be honest you don’t want sucha a person in your life, who gets out when it gets a bit rough. You should focus on being your best self and the right person I believe will come along into your life.

    Mabye with time she’ll want to come back to you, but then you’ll be the one who’s gonna decide what’s to happen and she’d have to give a lot of effort into it all to win you back over. I know I’m that type of guy and you can be too. Don’t waste your life on a memory or an illusion, cause you have nothing from it and you’ll never get the time back.

    I still miss the things I had with her, but that doesn’t mean I should stop living my life and enyoing it. Decide now how your life is gonna go on. You have two paths to go. Stay as you are, be sad, and don’t give it a chance to get better, or work every day on yourself and with time become this awesome independent individual who lives life to the fullest. 🙂

    #77409
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Update:

    After 2 days I’m feeling much better. I still do miss her sometimes ofcourse, but it’s not that often and it doesn’t hurt as much. Just try to find some life goals to achieve, give them all your attention and It’ll be okay. And alsto try the wristband tehnique. Everytime you think of this person or a bad feeling comes away, snap yourself. Brain hates physicall pain so it’ll reprogram you to think differently in a short amount of time 🙂

    And I also hope that she’ll be happy no matter what. She’s a wonderfull person and I truly wish her all the best. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by rodrigo.
    #77320
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Thank you Anita for the kind wokrds 🙂

    Update: I just came home from work and I decided during the day that I’m gonna stop being depressed. It’s not productive or healthy at all and I don’t need it in my life. So, every time a negative tought comes to my mind im gonna replace it with a positive and a happy one. I know it’s gonna be hard, but the way it’s going on now, it would last forever.

    I know it’s not gonna be a walk trough the park, but it’s gonna be worth it and for now, I see it as the only possible solution for this state I’m currently in. Will keep you updated on my progress success.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by rodrigo.
    #77275
    rodrigo
    Participant

    And yes, I also get bombarded from my mind with images of us being together, and then the questiones, why did it all happen?, why did it not work? what could I have done? what is she doing now?, who she’s with?, and so on come to my head and drive me crazy. Like my mind is fckin retarded and can’t grasp the situation where I’m single now and have to forget about it all and move on.

    And I can have this self talks where I try to reason with myself how things are and that I should move on, but it’s like talking to a wall. I’m sorry, it’s like talking to a wall behind another wall. Man do I feel stupid -.-

    #77272
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Hey Anita

    I really don’t know anymore. I feel kinda neutral but then again I miss her and still feel empty inside, like a huge part of me is missing. I try to focus on other things, and have started learning about the stock market, but I don’t know. Everything I do feels like I’m donig to mabye be able to get her back one day, or if we ever meet again, she could see what a mistake breaking up it was and how much I’ve grown as a man. It just doesn’t feel right. That person takes up way too much of my time, and I’m starting to feel like I can’t get her out of my mind.

    Yesterday I’ve spoken to a friend from the country I come, and we both agreed that this process is taking so long cause I’m alone in this new place and have no one to turn to. I know I could find new people to hang out with, but I also know that they don’t care about my problems, and that they probbably have stuff of their own that they struggle with.

    Everybody is still saying, keep yourself busy, be happy, don’t worry, something better is comeing, blablabla, but I just can’t see it. This whole thing doesn’t pain me as much as it did before, but it still hurts and the biggest problem for me is the empty hole i feel inside of me. Like I said many times before, I really gave my whole self into that relationship and it was, I can say with confidence, my first big love. I’ve dated before and had girlfriends but that was nothing compared to this. And now I gotta find the strenght to continue, move on and be happy, but who should I share that with?

    I’m really getting sick and tired of those empty and lost feelings and toughts I have. And I know that I sound depressing right now, but I really can’t help it anymore. Have no more words to describe it.

    #77237
    rodrigo
    Participant

    And that’s wierd how things change. I know I wrote a post a few mins ago, and now I decided to fck all of that and just be awesome! And I know that this isn’t gonna hold me for long, and that I’m gonna be desperate again, but I think I just wanted to give you an example how chaotic my mind is right now

    #77235
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Well to be honest, it really sucks still. 2 months have passed and I haven’t been able to not to think about it for a single day. And by that I dont mean think once a day about it. No. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for the entire day. There’re like holes in the days where I’m able to focus on something else, but the majority of the day, it preety much occupies my mind, and is slowly driving me crazy.

    Now that I’ve decided to learn about the stock market and become a successful individual, I’ve been able to put those negative and hurting toughts away more, but they’re still there, and if I could, I would eliminate them for good, but I don’t know how.

    People have been telling me that time will heal it, and it will all pass. After 2 months I feel better, but not alot. I feel like the pain has gone away just a bit, and the majority of it is still here with me. Next I’ve heared to keep busy, and so I did. I’m busy with my new job, which ain’t great but hey, everybody needs to start somewhere. If I’m not working, I keep myself busy by reading books, listening to music, podcasts, going to the gym, and so on. And despite of all that, she’s still on my mind. She like popps up for no reason, and brings all the pain with her cause it all remembers me that I lost something I loved with every cell in my body and was never so happy before. People have said to me not to think of her and that whole situation. But to be honest I can’t controll it. This things just happen and it really sucks. Then as last thing people said to me to surround myself with friends and family. Well I can’t do that cause I live in a new city in a completely different country where I don’t have or know anybody, and that’s the main reason my relationship broke up, cause of the distance and cause of her saying she isn’t strong enough to have a long distance relationship, and to be with someone who she has but than again doesn’t have.

    Those are the reasons I keep struggling with this for so long and why that’s so hard on me.

    P.S. This was the short version

    #77205
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Update:

    I went to work yesterday and to be honest I couldn’t keep the toughts of her out of my head, altough I keept thinking about the job and about the stock market and how I’m going to pursue it.

    Then when I came home and went to bed, I decided to try something new. I put a hypnosis mp3 on youtube. It was about healing a broken hearth, and even tough I fel asleep, I woke up this morning and it didn’t bother me that much. Like, I still feel a bit bad about it all, but it feels like it’s somewhere back. Like the pain moved backwards, and I don’t feel it in my chest anymore, and it’s much easier for me. Altough I still love that girl and miss her, I feel a bit better.

    As I mentioned in another post, I’ll keep concentrating on myself and working on my life, single. I really don’t have the urge to pursue other girls, and it wouldn’t be fair to them.

    Just don’t know how to deal with the toughts that pop randomly into my head of her beeing with another guy. I know I don’t know the real story, and don’t know if she’s with someone else or not, but my mind keeps putting those images into my head and I really want it to stop cause it sucks.

    Ty again all for reading and understanding. <3

    #77204
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Well to be honest, I can’t accept it just like that, to live the rest of my life without a person who became a part of me and I became a part of her. I could tell by only by the simplest things like her voice how she truly feels and in many ways we even tought the same way, like on some instant desicions.

    I don’t know why something like that had to end, why I just couldn’t love that person, she would love me, and we would be happy forever. I know I was giving all of myself to make her happy, and she also did the best she new and could. And for me it was perfect, and I can’t get over that.

    Now, people want me to move on. To what should I move on? How should I find something better than perfect, which this relationship really was. I know there are many different people out there, but I just don’t want to anymore. I’ll rather stay alone, than be with a wrong person pretending I’m happy, and telling her I love her when truth is, my hearth she’ll never have. Just wouldn’t be fair to that other woman.

    #77170
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I can’t believe what a coincidence this is but I just finished my 10-15 minute meditation where I concentrated on my breathing. I also put on my headphones and listened to a brainwave mp3 from an app I downloaded cause I have a noisy enviroment. All in all it was really hard to focus, and I noticed like the last time I try to meditate that my mind is really caotic and not peacefull at all.

    But this time when I concentrated on my breathing, it was much easier for me and I felt such peace within me that I haven’t felt for a long time (like for 2 months since the break up). I’ve been struggling with my toughts and this peace gave me a break from all that stress and I gotta tell you I really do feel better.

    It wasn’t clear to me what I should do and how to continue with my life, but now I think I found something I would like to pursue, and it’s my development as a man, in both physical and mental ways. I realized that I don’t want to feel this way and that I’m the one who causes this pain I feel. Cause that person I miss is gone, and the only thing I miss is the memory.

    I can’t tell you I’m over her a 100% but I feel better and it made me want to meditate forever. While I’m aware that’s not possible, it’s possible for me to do it on a daily basis. Also I decided I want to be financially independent, and so I decided to lear as much as possible about stocks and the stock market and make something from the money I have roght now. It has been done before by others, it can be done again by me.

    I worked before on myself, but I haven’t felt it like just now. The one thing that worries me is the fading of the enthusiasm I just got, but I still won’t give up. Just cause one person decided not to share their life path with me, doesn’t mean I should feel bad and stop developing myself. It still hurts but I’m counting on the fact that everybody keeps telling me., that time will heal all wounds and that I’ll get over it.

    Thank you again very much for all your help. If you got any more tips and advice for me, I’m open for everything. 🙂

    #77144
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Thank you very much for the kind words. To tell you about the part you didn’t understand. Like, if I heard now that she’d need a new hearth, I would get down there, and volunteerly give my hearth to her. And I wouldn’t even tell her cause I know she wouldn’t let me do it, but I’d still do it. And from that point on, you can imagine how I feel.

    I’ve never been a one woman guy, never let anyone close to my feelings and into my life to deep. Then I decided to trust somebody, and it was all perfect, untill I moved away. She changed her mind with time to stay, even tough she was telling me how she wants to leave the place she is, and no matter where as long as we’re together, and that we’ll be together forever.

    Right now I feel pain, but am also confused, have no goals like I had before the relationship, have no lust for life, am angry, and have many more different feelings. It’s a real mess in my head and I don’t know what to think, how to behave, what to do, what to look forward and so on. That’s why I told you I feel lost.

    In one hand, I want to love and be loved again, in the other hand I never want to be close with someone and just have meaningless sex. And at the same point I want somebody, and don’t have the urge to be with somebody.

    I know it all sonunds confusing, but try to imagine the chaos in my head then.

    If you have some materials where I can learn more about mindfulness and dealing with those situations, I’d really appreciate it. I wanna become a strong independent male who doesn’t need anybody in his life, but also isn’t alone (if you know what I mean)

    #77142
    rodrigo
    Participant

    yeah my friend, I’m aware of those things and will always accept new things and teachings in my life. so if you have any material that I can learn from, pls, share it with me. As I said, I’m ready to do anything.

    But then again I feel like going to my old self, not careing, not feeling, not giving myself to one person, and to return to dating more women at a time. Cause, why give you hearth to someone again, to let them break it again? 1. time it’s a mistake, every other time it’s a choice.

    #77140
    rodrigo
    Participant

    WOW! for a second there I tought my ex was writing that. It literally made my blood freez.

    I’m going trough almost the same thing as you described, only in my case the thing ended cause of the distance. Everybody is saying taht it’ll be better with time, but when you’re ready to give your life for somebody cause you just can’t help but loveing them so much and then they walk away, it is in a way like dying. I myself can’t find anything anymore to look forward to, or feel some joy or anything..

    I don’t want to make you feel bad cause of that, I’m just saying how I feel.. altough in my case I was the one to move, and she said she isn’t strong enough for a long distance relationship. It really sucks :/

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