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Seems like I can't get out of this struggle :/

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Viewing 14 posts - 16 through 29 (of 29 total)
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  • #77221
    UnknownAnne
    Participant

    Hi rodrigo, im happy you want to share your experience through this.
    I ever loved someone for 7 years, at first only adore that guy, but the feeling growing.
    And in the end he choose another instead me in front of him.
    im crying for 2 weeks and after that completely move on, but still the scars in me.
    All i know is you must give all your complaint, like what you feels, what you think, why it happen, why this, that, all about that. Just spurt it out everything, let it go, not keeping inside the feeling right now, let it go and accept it. i know it was hurt.
    But you must do that, or it will kill you slowly. dont focus on her that much, you still have a friends and families who support you, you got a life to move on. It takes time to heal, but dont let that feeling ate you up.

    If i can move on, so you do!
    Anne

    #77235
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Well to be honest, it really sucks still. 2 months have passed and I haven’t been able to not to think about it for a single day. And by that I dont mean think once a day about it. No. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for the entire day. There’re like holes in the days where I’m able to focus on something else, but the majority of the day, it preety much occupies my mind, and is slowly driving me crazy.

    Now that I’ve decided to learn about the stock market and become a successful individual, I’ve been able to put those negative and hurting toughts away more, but they’re still there, and if I could, I would eliminate them for good, but I don’t know how.

    People have been telling me that time will heal it, and it will all pass. After 2 months I feel better, but not alot. I feel like the pain has gone away just a bit, and the majority of it is still here with me. Next I’ve heared to keep busy, and so I did. I’m busy with my new job, which ain’t great but hey, everybody needs to start somewhere. If I’m not working, I keep myself busy by reading books, listening to music, podcasts, going to the gym, and so on. And despite of all that, she’s still on my mind. She like popps up for no reason, and brings all the pain with her cause it all remembers me that I lost something I loved with every cell in my body and was never so happy before. People have said to me not to think of her and that whole situation. But to be honest I can’t controll it. This things just happen and it really sucks. Then as last thing people said to me to surround myself with friends and family. Well I can’t do that cause I live in a new city in a completely different country where I don’t have or know anybody, and that’s the main reason my relationship broke up, cause of the distance and cause of her saying she isn’t strong enough to have a long distance relationship, and to be with someone who she has but than again doesn’t have.

    Those are the reasons I keep struggling with this for so long and why that’s so hard on me.

    P.S. This was the short version

    #77237
    rodrigo
    Participant

    And that’s wierd how things change. I know I wrote a post a few mins ago, and now I decided to fck all of that and just be awesome! And I know that this isn’t gonna hold me for long, and that I’m gonna be desperate again, but I think I just wanted to give you an example how chaotic my mind is right now

    #77247
    UnknownAnne
    Participant

    Hahaha, Rodrigo i am too, when our mind feels like chaotic and think like f*ck it of all the things, it feels like clearly and completely take us to the more positive way! way to go dude, i know you can! just dont fall in to deep. Whew it feel like when i reply this, i am healing inside too, im afraid to start a new relationship, i dont want to feel that hurt feeling again. But thanks to you too, you make me think positive! Thanks!

    #77267
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rodrigo:
    I think that you did well- and you state so yourself- playing that audio before going to sleep and NOTICING (you noticed, paid attention- this is what mindfulness is in practice) that your pain moved away from your chest area and you felt better. Regarding the images of her being with another man, images that pop into your head and cause you distress- just like you found something that worked for you that night and morning after find something that will work regarding those images. Accept/ not resist–> then let go. Repeat to yourself certain thoughts when you see the image, a thought that is true and that will make you feel better…?

    How are you doing today?

    Take care:
    anita

    #77272
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Hey Anita

    I really don’t know anymore. I feel kinda neutral but then again I miss her and still feel empty inside, like a huge part of me is missing. I try to focus on other things, and have started learning about the stock market, but I don’t know. Everything I do feels like I’m donig to mabye be able to get her back one day, or if we ever meet again, she could see what a mistake breaking up it was and how much I’ve grown as a man. It just doesn’t feel right. That person takes up way too much of my time, and I’m starting to feel like I can’t get her out of my mind.

    Yesterday I’ve spoken to a friend from the country I come, and we both agreed that this process is taking so long cause I’m alone in this new place and have no one to turn to. I know I could find new people to hang out with, but I also know that they don’t care about my problems, and that they probbably have stuff of their own that they struggle with.

    Everybody is still saying, keep yourself busy, be happy, don’t worry, something better is comeing, blablabla, but I just can’t see it. This whole thing doesn’t pain me as much as it did before, but it still hurts and the biggest problem for me is the empty hole i feel inside of me. Like I said many times before, I really gave my whole self into that relationship and it was, I can say with confidence, my first big love. I’ve dated before and had girlfriends but that was nothing compared to this. And now I gotta find the strenght to continue, move on and be happy, but who should I share that with?

    I’m really getting sick and tired of those empty and lost feelings and toughts I have. And I know that I sound depressing right now, but I really can’t help it anymore. Have no more words to describe it.

    #77275
    rodrigo
    Participant

    And yes, I also get bombarded from my mind with images of us being together, and then the questiones, why did it all happen?, why did it not work? what could I have done? what is she doing now?, who she’s with?, and so on come to my head and drive me crazy. Like my mind is fckin retarded and can’t grasp the situation where I’m single now and have to forget about it all and move on.

    And I can have this self talks where I try to reason with myself how things are and that I should move on, but it’s like talking to a wall. I’m sorry, it’s like talking to a wall behind another wall. Man do I feel stupid -.-

    #77312
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rodrigo:
    Well, at least there is some improvement, however small. It sounds reasonable, what your friend said, that if you had people you like, people you feel connected to, people who care around you, opportunities to get together with- that would have helped. It is funny the way you put it, like your mind is “retarded” like you wrote. I hope you continue to improve, however slowly, have lots of patience with your “retarded” mind that … won’t listen to reason (because the “heart” or the emotional brain wants what it wants…) – that you don’t upset yourself with not being able to control the thoughts and images that come to your mind, that you practice lots of patience and self compassion and that eventually… things will improve enough. One day at a time. I think you are doing an excellent job and lots of efforts to get better.
    anita

    #77320
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Thank you Anita for the kind wokrds 🙂

    Update: I just came home from work and I decided during the day that I’m gonna stop being depressed. It’s not productive or healthy at all and I don’t need it in my life. So, every time a negative tought comes to my mind im gonna replace it with a positive and a happy one. I know it’s gonna be hard, but the way it’s going on now, it would last forever.

    I know it’s not gonna be a walk trough the park, but it’s gonna be worth it and for now, I see it as the only possible solution for this state I’m currently in. Will keep you updated on my progress success.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by rodrigo.
    #77409
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Update:

    After 2 days I’m feeling much better. I still do miss her sometimes ofcourse, but it’s not that often and it doesn’t hurt as much. Just try to find some life goals to achieve, give them all your attention and It’ll be okay. And alsto try the wristband tehnique. Everytime you think of this person or a bad feeling comes away, snap yourself. Brain hates physicall pain so it’ll reprogram you to think differently in a short amount of time 🙂

    And I also hope that she’ll be happy no matter what. She’s a wonderfull person and I truly wish her all the best. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by rodrigo.
    #77411
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    There’s nothing wrong with missing your ex and it’s okay to still hang on to hope, as it is also normal to love her and miss still, you are grieving a loss. I still love my ex very very much and I wish I could work things out with her but she doesn’t communicate and that’s a problem. It is the reason why our relationship ended was because she didn’t want to tell me her feelings, something that I felt was 100% important to me because when I love someone, I want to know their feelings about things that way I can make all the right decisions so that we can heed with caution. Unfortunately I was imperfect in her eyes and I victimized her/abused her mentally because I was unable to make all the right decisions when I had no way or ability to contact her at the time. Although I did try through text message but she didn’t seem to care or respond. I still don’t know after 4 years why she decided to hate me. 1 thing is for sure and is the 100% truth, is that I never had a relationship with anybody else/cheated or even had intimacy with another individual since our relationship began in January of 2010 up until this very day. I know that in my heart and I know that I could honestly look her in the eyes and tell her that too. I saved my heart and love for someone who used to love me and then one day, she decided that I was the enemy. Guess I’ll never know all the details until she is able to sit down and talk to me because everything has been mis-construed that I’m this bad person when I know my intentions were pure. All I was ever wanted was to know what happened and where I stood in her life but wanting that was a bad thing in here eyes. That is my assumption anyway but one thing is for sure, our relationship was never based on sex.

    Otherwise I would have found another woman right away but I kept my promise to her bc obviously it wasn’t about sex or I would have just gone and slept with another woman this entire time. I’ve stayed loyal to her all these years and sadly I’ve got nothing to show for it but I take my partial responsibility because I didn’t have to be single all these years up to this point, or save myself for her either but I had truly wanted to because I had told her a long time ago that I was going to marry her. Anyway, That is my cross to carry now and I chose to stay loyal all these years. So Rodrigo, you are not the only one who struggles, I feel & understand your pain. I work through the pain by staying positive, loving and optimistic that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it’s to make us grow and to open our eyes a little bit more, so that we can be better prepared for love the next time around. I have faith that everything will work out the way it needs to. I know someday you will also find happiness again, you just got to believe and stay positive that things will work out. Never lose hope…((( Hugs )))

    All the best,

    Elle

    #77413
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Ty for the kind words, but mate, 4 years of greveing are really too much. And I’m gonna be honest with you, you should move on. Just take look on the internet and you’ll see only a tiny fraction of beautiful women out there. And I don’t mean you should find someone who’s beautiful only on the outside, cause that has no future and that person has to grow to be beautiful on the inside as well. Yeah it is hard, but you can also put a positive spin on it. She doesn’t know what you’re doing or where you are or how you are, and that’s a good thing. Cause now you have the time and space to work on yourself and be if nothing else just a bit better version than the day before. And when she sees you in a few months/years, she’ll see all the changes and say wow. She also might want you back, but I doubt it that you’ll want her back cause when you change your toughts and goals change too.

    Tell me, why did she deserve all of this attention that you’re giving to her? If you wait for her, that’s like rewarding her bad behaviour, and she’ll see that she doesn’t have to better herself to have you. The only way to be happy is to be sure of who you are and be happy with it, without needing outisde confirmation.

    I too still feel bad but it’s been 2 months for me since the break up, and I’ve been actively wokring on myself every day since then. Why should I suffer for the rest of my life just cause someone decided to go? You wanna go? Then go. Fine with me. I know who I am, what I bring to the table, and what she’ll be missing out on. Plus I’m growing every single day as a man and there is more and more every day to miss. So it’s her loss. Cause I’m also aware how many beautifull women are out there, and who knows, mabye I’ll find someone who’s better suited for me than her, but I’ll never know if I stay depressed and focused because someone didn’t know how to deal and express their feelings, and left when it got a bit hard. And to be honest you don’t want sucha a person in your life, who gets out when it gets a bit rough. You should focus on being your best self and the right person I believe will come along into your life.

    Mabye with time she’ll want to come back to you, but then you’ll be the one who’s gonna decide what’s to happen and she’d have to give a lot of effort into it all to win you back over. I know I’m that type of guy and you can be too. Don’t waste your life on a memory or an illusion, cause you have nothing from it and you’ll never get the time back.

    I still miss the things I had with her, but that doesn’t mean I should stop living my life and enyoing it. Decide now how your life is gonna go on. You have two paths to go. Stay as you are, be sad, and don’t give it a chance to get better, or work every day on yourself and with time become this awesome independent individual who lives life to the fullest. 🙂

    #77427
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rodrigo:
    You touched many people with your post and your last post is amazing- the best rodrigo coming to the surface, emerging from his pain, a better, stronger, more evolved rodrigo. Very encouraging and heart warming! If I had a small part in your recovery and emergence- I am very pleased with myself. There will continue to be ups and downs and I hope you re-read your own post above when you feel down.

    Take care and an amazing job you have done at it!
    anita

    #77477
    rodrigo
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Sorry for the late reply but I was a bit busy with work. Ty for the kind words againg and to ansewr our question, yes you did help, alot, and I’m forever thankfull for that. You were there for me as the other people who helped with you and it ment the world to me.

    I know now much more about myself than I did 2 months ago, and am a much stronger individual. Yeah it still feels empty inside sometimes, and it still hurts a bit, but it’s nothing compared to who terrible it was. I don’t know what destiny has planned for me, and if I’m gonna reconnect with her, or find someone who’s better suited for me and makes me happier, but I know who I wanna become in the future and that with consistant daily work on myself, I’ll get there and be happy with my life.

    Life is rough sometimes, but that’s ok, cause if it weren’t, people wouldn’t see how strong they really are, and if mabye they’re not at that point, they’ll develop themselves trought that struggle to be better before it knocked on their door.

    And about the break ups and the heartbreaks. I still think they suck, but then again I realised taht they’re one of the greatest growth periods that people have. And if you want your ex back that’s the only way to do it. Self improvement. Cause if you cry about how hard it is, it will never get better, and also, you’ll stay the same weak self that your ex walked away from. Now in my example, the relationship broke cause of the distance, and it crushed me. But again I decided to make myself into a man who is mentally and financially stable so it doesn’t happen again.

    I hope that the people who’re going trough the same stuff find this post and learn from my struggle, and know that it’s going to be better. It’s not gonna be easy, but it’s also not gonna last forever.

    Now I can calmly say that I wish her all the best in life and truly want her to be happy, cause she was nice to me and everything was great, and I’m thankfull to have experianced such a thing in my life. Don’t know what the future is gonna bring to me, but I know I’m gonna be prepared.

    Love you all. HAve a nice day <3 🙂

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