Just say “No” and have your husband hem, haw, and make excuses to his friends. He might say, “Her mother is sick”, or “It’s not a good time”, or even THE TRUTH.

TBH, if I was planning a trip, and the spouse of my friends said “No” to me visiting, I’m the type to get the message that

1. We’re not that close (the message you want them to get, closer to your goal of no potential shenanigans, yay!)
2. It’s me (I am his ex, and I want to crash at their place, hmmm…)

And I wouldn’t look at the spouse badly at all! And P.S., so what if they did? That you are a jealous wife? Well, good! Wives should be, that’s the best kind! It’s like you’re afraid of losing any power or position.

If they tease you or give you a hard time just say, “Yup, you’re right, I’m a jealous wife. Who wants you little rascals messing up my bathroom and kitchen?”

If it makes you feel any better, I told my DH “NO” when he wanted his druggy friend crashing at our place for one night. He wanted me to give “reasons” and kept turning it around on ME. I just kept saying, “No. Nope. A galaxy of Nope.” He gave up and had an awkward conversation with his old friend. Old friend was left with the discomfort. So what? My home was mine. No past precedent was made.

I have another story too, said “NO” to an old friend who was becoming obsessed with my family. The sky didn’t fall. All was well.