Inky – Thank you for your reply.

Perfect advice that I will take on board.

Anita – You’re right, they have all asked this summer why she won’t visit and why there is no relationship with her anymore, and my eldest has felt angry towards her. I don’t want them to feel how I do at all.

Jodi- I have to agree. My mothers behaviour has been very hot and cold all my life, and she can also be aggressive in her manner and controlling. My sister is exactly the same and I am 100% sure she has a serious PD. My younger sister is more like me and we are more sensitive and laid back.

Saiisha – So true, I knew all my life their behaviour wasn’t normal but I put up with it because ‘we are family’ as they used to say. I could write a book on all they have done to me through my 35 years. I feel so liberated to have walked away from them. Sadly the final straw led me to anxiety and panic attacks that I haven’t fully recovered from but honestly I wouldn’t change what happened to me. I have found myself in the storm. I found yoga, meditation and I am now learning more about spirituality. I would never have done any of those things before as my family would have picked fun and be littled everything I did. I remember when I went to university to do my nurse training 6 years ago and my mum refused to look after my children or even help me. I went and I paid for childcare which really put my mums nose out of joint. 2 years later my sister started uni for her nurse training and my mum to this day still looks after her sons daily so she can work, and she did this for her all through uni. When I asked why she wouldn’t do this for me she said ‘well Jo really wanted to be a nurse, you always change your mind and don’t stick to anything’ I felt hurt. The reason I left uni after 12 months was due to anxiety and panic attacks that again were caused by my family being aggressive towards me. Now I feel happy, I am doing what I want to do in life. I may not be going to uni and yes I can be a bit indecisive but that is mainly due to anxiety and having no confidence in myself.

I do remain civil with my sisters but I don’t want a relationship with them, that angers them and frequently they will get intouch asking why I don’t ‘bother with them’ or try to see the children. I miss my niece and nephews and I feel so sad I am not an auntie to any of my siblings children, it pains me but I had to back off from family after what they did to me. The day after my brother chased after me and was arrested my sisters went on a day trip to the beach with him and posted photos all over Facebook. They didn’t once ask how i was, or come to check I was ok. One of my sisters, the one that is extremely volatile, messaged me threatening she would ruin my life if I didn’t delete all her partners family off my Facebook as she didn’t want them knowing what my brother had done, like she thought I would broadcast it on my Facebook. Noone knows other than those i have chosen to confined in. She also messaged my husband and told him to leave me, lied to him saying I plan affairs,…. you name it she said it trying to destroy my world, like I hadn’t been through enough terror the day before 🙁 This was all because my brother was ill and violent and he had social services at his home due to someone reporting him for child abuse. This was not me but I was accused and abused by my family for a year until I hit breaking point and became so unwell. My own Mother came to my house the evening after I was terrified by my brother shouting at me saying I got him arrested and if he killed himself I would have blood on my hands 🙁 It was then I walked away and I never looked back. I used to suffer from extreme anxiety, stress, chronic headaches and panic attacks. My husband said he came home to a very unwell wife every night and it was all at the hands of my toxic family. Now he says I am calm, happy and a little spiritual yogi as he calls me 😉

It’s funny because now they all beg me to be in their lives and say they were all in the wrong and they know i didn’t do anything at all. It’s too late for me, I have walked away. Being civil to my sisters is all I can offer and it feels like i have to be the same with my mum. I used to cling to mum, I used to think I needed her if I was ill or anxious. In the last 3 years where has she been for me? When I had crippling agoraphobia, panic attacks… she had no time for me yet she supported my brother who was diagnosed with a personality disorder and resented me for not letting him back in my life and for not letting him see my children. She has made my life so difficult at times. All I wanted was to forget them and move on with my mum in my life, I used to cry and ask why she resented me, write her letters…. This year I stopped all that, I make no effort but it still hurts she hasn’t bothered to put the effort in. She doesn’t see my children, she doesn’t even try. I called her last night to tell her about my blood tests as I have been told I have low iron and I am developing hypothorydism. Her reaction was very little, no love or support. When I told her my son (who now suffers anxiety after seeing my brother attack his dad) is very anxious about starting high school tomorrow and I am trying to get the school to support him with an in school counsellor, mums reaction was very little because she knows my brother caused his anxiety. She said nothing and when I said I had to go and said goodbye she didn’t even wish my children well for their new school year or say give my son a big hug. Nothing, so you all made me think, yes does she actually love my children? What hurts me is she very obviously loves my siblings children. She is with them all day, every day. She sleeps over at my sisters the night before her sons birthdays. She has stayed over throughout the school holidays to be with them more. My children get nothing unless i chase her and ask her to visit them.

I sent her a message the other night asking why she doesn’t visit, I just needed to know. She said ‘I have visit them this summer, I don’t’ know wha you’re talking about’ She has been twice and those 2 times she was with my sisters sons. I said ‘but you didn’t come alone all summer like usual, you haven’t been for your weekly visit since May and you haven’t attempted to call the children but you’re with your other grandchildren daily’. Her response was ‘ I have been to see your children and I love them just as much as my other grandchildren’. I left it there, I don’t want to get into a family argument because my sister would have soon messaged me abuse for upsetting mum when that wasn’t my intention.

I told my husband last night what you had all said on here and he said you all talk perfect sense. He knows it hurts as he walked away from his mum who is very violent and toxic. She threatened to rip my throat out infront of my children once, she has never liked me. It seems not many people do and I cried to my husband last night and to my friend and my husband said ‘Julie you are lovely person, kind and beautiful inside and out’ my friend said ‘sadly you and your husband were handed toxic family members’. You just start to turn it on yourself thinking am I a bad person for these people to turn on me 🙁

I have been ill all summer due to my thyroid problem, I haven’t had any support, every day I have got on with it despite my chronic fatigue and ill health that’s suddenly hit me. I have anxiety and get very anxious being alone with my children sometimes, yet my husband started a new job this summer 30 minutes from home which is a huge change from 5 minutes away, but I did it. You know what I am very proud of myself. My mum looks after my sisters children and she needs to be there daily, she hasn’t offered to help me out, not even for one day and I am bloody proud of my achievements. I was once a week person who felt she had to put up with the family abuse because I needed my mum and my children needed their grandmother, but now I realise I actually don’t and in these last 3 years since they turned on me i have grown and I am the person like you say that mirrors how they should be and how they should be treating eachother. I have a wonderful family and I know we are what a true family should be, we treat eachother with love and respect and I know we always will.

Sorry that got long, thank you for letting me talk to you on here it has helped me so much.

Ju/Libby