Dear Sann:

I like your insight. You have an excellent grasp on what is really happening. Indeed you are nice and helpful and you are working on setting boundaries with people who don’t play fair, like this woman. I do not like it at all that she yells at you- how very, very rude. She finds it effective obviously. You said “whatever” and she yelled for you to say “bye” – so you said “bye”. Well, it is a good thing that as a result of her yelling you did not apologize for having said “whatever.” I have the image in my mind right now of her yelling and you responding by standing straight, facing her, looking in her eyes and saying again, slowly, clearly: “whatever.” And that being your last word. That would be a good exercise, wouldn’t it?

As we work to change our behavior, we have to be very gentle and patient with ourselves, otherwise changing will not happen. It is necessary, not optional, to be gentle and patient with oneself. So if you think that it was PROGRESS that you didn’t apologize for saying “whatever”- then progress is all you can hope for and it is very positive – and- it may be almost exciting, could it not, to take another step forward next time: stand straight, look into her eyes, and say confidently (no matter how fast your heart is beating): WHATEVER.

anita