Dear Sann:

A couple of things that came to my mind as I read your post:

1) “learn to look after myself, instead of always looking for the answers to other people.” I like that: the answers really are in you. You are the best one to answer your questions. Not others. Great freedom and sense of empowerment once you view your own self as the authority figure in your own life, the authority to answer your own questions better than anyone else.

2) “It almost looks as if i want to keep myself in the stress instead of relaxing.” I am recognizing this in myself: I used to be afraid to relax, very uncomfortable about relaxing. I kept myself stressed as if that was the best way to be: always ready for danger, for an attack. It was as if I relax, I will not be ready to defend myself when attacked next. And an attack was… always around the corner (first in reality, then in my mind but not in reality).

anita