Dear Bluelagoon,

I recognise that, also struggle with it. I’m 33, so i think you have quite a lot of advantage over me, for being so strongly aware of that, at a lot younger age.

I don’t know the answers because i’m still struggling with it myself, but i’d like to share some thoughts, also out of my own experience.

Do you hang out a lot with people who do those kinds of things? Or do you also have friends, who have other ways, perhaps more similar like yours?
Because i read that you compare yourself a lot with others, and i wonder if it helps, to have people around you that you appreciate, who don’t do those things.

I remember when i was around that age, i felt a lot of peer pressure, i always felt inferior to others, because i didn’t go out much or do drugs or didn’t hook up. That was like that standard.
And i admire it that you do your own thing.

I wonder, the fact that you doubt yourself so much. Is it mainly that you feel you are not good the way you are, because you are doing other things than your peers. Or is it because you want to be accepted, and are afraid of what other people think of you, for not doing the same as them?

I really need to be a more confident person, but i don’t know how to do that.

I recognise that thought very well.
I also often say that to myself. But now i’m starting to think: i can’t force myself to suddenly become a more confident person, that is something that will have to grow. I can learn, more and more, to do different things that will help me to become more confident, to let it grow. And that will be a gradual process with many ups and downs, so we’ll need to be patient with ourselves.
I don’t know if it makes sense what i’m writing, that is the way i see it right now.

Keep doing your own thing, regardless of if you think it is good enough for others.