Hi anita,

OK, #5 examples:

1. People in certain religious communities DO shun each other (Amish, Jehovah’s Witness) if you step out of line. The future can be bleak, especially if you were born in the faith, to function in the outside world. Now imagine if you were a hunter-gatherer from a million years ago and displeased the group or the leaders. That really was life or death.

2. In the wild, or even in early America with the pioneers, it was usually the LONE person out in the wilderness who wouldn’t survive. It doesn’t matter how tough you are, things can go tragically wrong. If you have another person, they can take care of you or send for help.

So I think it’s literally bred in the bone, people pleasing, and being hard on yourself.

And #6, Time:

Well, when we ruminate, or don’t focus on other things, yes, we are far more likely to think about “whatever” and before we know it, beat ourselves up! Even driving in the car, listening to tear-jerky music can trigger a “Poor Me” thought, and then “If only” to “I shouldn’t have done that”, as an example! It is so important to focus, not as a form of denial, but as a form of boundaries, to protect our emotions. i.e. “NO! I WON’T go there! I DON’T accept that!” Then focus on other things.