Dear Anonymous:

Of course I am not there in your place having the details you have. For example, what does your boyfriend venting looks like, is one thing in considering what should pass as normal. If in venting he regularly… goes on and on talking about how much he wants to die, and how he plans to do that, that should not be normal. It will drag you down even if you take breaks. If he calls you names while venting, that should never be tolerated (he does not from what I read, but this is an example). Also if he vents about the same thing over and over again, same thing and does not take any new action in what is bothering him, does not take any of your suggestions but keeps complaining about the same old, that also should not pass as normal.

On the other hand, venting while making efforts to improve the situation or his attitude, while he listens to your input and takes it is, that is normal- if you get to do it too, express your frustrations to him while you are working on improving yourself and circumstances and taking in his input. Empathy for each other is very important, listening, all that.]

I find out more and more how very few, if any, are the problem-free people out there (don’t know a single one). I used to think people are normal and I was abnormal. I used to think that because people laughed and looked happy or had regular jobs that the were normal or happy. Not so. You can look and look your whole life and not find a single man who will be… normal.

So venting plus working to improve self and circumstances plus taking in partner’s input, plus partner doing same, plus both taking breaks when distressed, when it gets too much. This is my answer. What do you think?

anita