Dear Jack:

Nope, you cannot bore me, impossible. These are my comments:
1) Regarding you judging yourself negatively, notice”hat pathetic self-doubt.” Self doubt is the thinking pattern you don’t like, PATHETIC is you bullying yourself for having self doubt. Then regarding needing validation from the expected visitor, you wrote: “Strange isn’t it.Childish” Now you are bullying yourself or “just” pointing the finger at yourself with something not nice: Childish! Please make progress with no longer pointing the finger at yourself with put downs and insults. When you speak or write here, notice to present yourself RESPECTFULLY, with self respect. Remember a recent thread you started about distorting your story to your benefit? Well, no need to distort any story, but it will be to your BENEFIT to no longer put yourself down (It is as if you are trying to do so before someone else will…) Jack, there is no reason whatsoever for you to tell a dream, a scenario, anything at all except with SELF RESPECT.

2) Regarding the dream: as I read it I thought you were going to dance and I was … proud of you for not dancing! You think your reaction was pathetic, not so… you didn’t dance! I don’t see the second guessing in asking if he is allowed to shoot your shoes (I may be missing it). I see it as you being attached to rules and regulations in the workplace (elsewhere as well?).

3) Regarding the guest:what if you pay attention in the first twenty minutes or so, or longer, to WHO he is- who he has become since you last saw him. Notice: is he logical? Is he crazy? Is he arrogant? Is he a decent person? If he is indecent or delusional or arrogant, then trying to impress him is mute, isn’t it? It may be an opportunity to practice observing a person and allowing yourself to be.. un-impressed by him. Because so many people are un-imressive, noticing that will neutralize, I hope, your need to impress them!

I found out this very thing some time ago: if you pay attention to how other people really are, often enough, you will not need their approval. Why seek the approval of a person you do not approve of?

4) regarding similar scenarios: I have been petrified by the idea of guests since some very negative experiences with guests- I am trying to be okay with some necessary guests in the future.. necessary…

My lower back hurts… I hope I am making sense in this post???

anita