Anita, thank you for taking the time to write. I haven’t seen your question to me in the other thread yet, but I’ll look for it after this post. I recognize that I ignored red flags in my past relationship. I truly believe I’ve learned from my experience with that particular individual and I wouldn’t make the same choice to stay again (no matter how much it hurts to leave, I’d rather leave than be in another relationship like that one).

Here’s the thing. I love companionship. I love the nurturing feeling of being in a relationship. I love the feeling of partnership and having one special person who cares about you and sees you in a distinctly different light than others (family, friends, etc…)… I genuinely hate not having that.

I’ve tried “just being happy alone” and I don’t like it. While I’m a lot more independent than I used to be, I don’t feel an immense amount of joy doing things alone. I try to say kind things to myself, go out and treat myself to dessert, pamper myself by doing my nails, and grabbing my favorite blanket to cuddle up with (alone) on the couch and watch my favorite movie. Maybe some people aren’t meant to feel fully happy alone? Aren’t we technically creatures that thrive in unions and closely among other humans?

Am I completely missing the mark? What should I be doing differently to find peace? I strongly question if I’ll find peace “just being alone.”