I see my life as a gift, I see my health as a gift. Some of my family and all of my friends are gifts. Sometimes strangers are gifts.

there were times I did not think life was worth living and the only thing that kept me going was knowing if I gave up my life-others such as nieces other relatives and friends might take the “easy’ way out because I couldn’t get a toe hold and regain my will to live. Their lives were worth living but I stayed alive just so they “knew that” I know this is crazy talk but this was my reality

About 15 years ago I was having panic attacks so bad-my doctor had told me to leave my house every day or I would become so reclusive I would be stuck there. I was living in a city and I would walk from my house and could only walk as far down each road that I could still see my house. Forget driving–just walking 6 houses down from mine was totally overwhelming. One day I passed a very old woman who was walking with a walker—she had on a leather helmet so if she fell it wouldn’t crack her head so bad. She was tiny and frail. She was looking at flowers, then stop and look up a tree.

it was a defining moment in my life–I cannot explain what happen. I cannot tell you that I never feel down or have panic attacks. I can tell you-that in my mind she was an angel and gave me hope. Not because I felt sorry for her–she was living every moment of her life—I wasn’t. She wasn’t looking back to make sure her house was still there and she damn sure couldn’t run home like I could. I kept walking thinking about her and realized I hadn’t looked back to make sure my house was in sight.

I don’t know if this will make any sense–but I did need to think about it—so thanks for the nudge, Jack.