Dear Tami:

I did this kind of thing a whole lot, inaccurately projecting into what another person was saying, “hearing” my own voice instead of what is being said. I inaccurately projected into how someone looks at me, as in “he is thinking how inferior I am… etc.

What I learned to do is ASK a person, especially someone like a boyfriend, ask in a calm tone: what did you mean by what you said. Ask not in an accusatory tone but just so to get the information.

First you tell your boyfriend that you project a lot and that you can’t tell if what you project is real or not, true or not. (Sometimes it is, so how DO you know)- tell him that you will be asking him to clarify what he meant so to CHECK your projections for accuracy.

We all project all the time because everything goes through our brain. Sometimes we project accurately and sometimes inaccurately. The only way to know is to ASK.

Attending good psychotherapy also helped me figure out what I believe about myself (for example I believed I was inferior) and how that belief came about (childhood relationship with parent). I could see then what it was that I was OFTEN projecting.

What do you think?

anita