Hi Tami,

I completely understand! I do the same thing. You are mindful of the fact that you’re mind is going to the dark side and that’s the first step. Next, I suggest the following:
1. After determining what was said to trigger you, determine the story behind it. For instance, “he wants that other girl instead of me.”
2. Next, determine the emotions that the story has triggered for you. Insecurity? Fear? Resentment? Jealousy? Where do these emotions come from?
3. Look at the black and white facts. He’s a good man. He loves you. He constantly does wonderful things for you. Etc.
4. Look at the situation again without the story. For instance, his single friend talked about a girl. No more, no less.
5. Recognize the emotions that you are feeling as the ego. See them for what they are – trying to protect you. But then tell them “thanks, but I’m ok no matter what” and let them go.

I think the key is removing the drama behind the event so you can see it as it is. See the event in black and white.

The other thing (that you may already be doing) is to work on self-compassion. I have found Lovingkindness meditation so helpful in this regard. When you can feel more secure within yourself, and know that you will be ok no matter what, the insecurity and fear will lessen.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,
Lara