Thanks to everyone who wrote back.

I’ve had a weird feeling sitting with me since I talked to her. I spent a lot of time yesterday and today debating if I should reach out to her… If I should take her up on her invite to meet for a drink tonight, if I should write her a message explaining why it is probably not for the best… At this point though I feel I should just leave it alone. That also seems to be supported by my friends and family.

Jenny you asked if I feel I could ever be just friends with her, and I think the answer is yes but it’s hard to say right now. Of course, while I’m in the thick of mourning the loss of love, it would be too difficult. I certainly have no intention of being her friend anytime soon. and it’s probably for the best that we don’t talk often (or at all) while we let each other go. With that said, I think that if things weren’t ever to work out romantically between us I would still like to keep in touch with her. She’s too special of a person for me to write off forever. Perhaps I would be even more inclined towards a friendship if I found the love I deserve with someone else… someone who was really good to me, who I wouldn’t want to leave for anyone. At that point I wouldn’t entertain the idea of a possible romantic future with her. But it’s all hard to say at this point.

Cognition, I find myself completely agreeing with your post. Before all of this, I really believed that fighting for love was courageous, no matter the emotional cost. I look back on previous relationships I had and I remember fighting for them too… but a fantasy ending never came. It seems like once you’ve had a little bit, it’s worth putting yourself on the line for all of it. I’m much too exhausted now to do that. I think I’ve become jaded in a lot of ways at this point… and I don’t mean that in a pessimistic “love doesn’t exist” kind of way. I still very much believe in romance, love, and the beauty of both, but I’m much too tired to put myself on the line for it right now. For her or for anyone else.

I miss her. I don’t know if I find any comfort in knowing she misses me too. It’s sad that there really isn’t anything that can be done about that. I know we must think about each other equally, and both be feeling the loss in a difficult way. She wanted so bad to see me, but I just can’t see that being good for either of us. I hope my absence helps her realize that I can no longer play the game. I hope it brings her some clarity even though it hurts.