I don’t think it was all due to her ex. I think her ex was a factor, but she was also just in a place where she felt she couldn’t commit to me in a serious relationship sense. She could only offer some kind of hot and cold version of it which in her mind was I guess “dating” or something. She obviously didn’t feel good with it which lead to all the problems around the holidays and eventually the break up talk which included her saying I need to find someone who could give me the things I was looking for. Me finding someone who I deserve.

For what any of this is worth… I don’t think she wants to go back into a relationship with him, I just think she doesn’t know how to let go. Similar to how she is struggling to let me go now. I always trusted that I was the only one she was seeing while we were together… there were no signs of her cheating on me, and really she wouldn’t have done it. I mean I remember back in July I asked if she was seeing anyone else and she told me she wasn’t. I believed her then and I believe it’s still the case now. As confused and lost and messy as she was, she wasn’t the type to cheat in that sense. Her communication with her ex was an issue, but it was convoluted. I’m 99% certain they never saw each other while we were together. Her work schedule is vigorous and I was seeing her 3-4 times a week for the most part. She only ever went a day or two without communication towards the end of our time together. So while I understand the inclination to wonder, I am pretty confident in saying that it wasn’t part of it.

I wish I could better explain what I gathered from her previous relationship but I don’t know much… I don’t know why they still talk, I don’t know what her intentions are with him, or what his intentions are with her, but they have not been a couple for almost a year now even though he still says I love you. I don’t think she’s just going to go back to him. She doesn’t want to move to where he is now and I don’t think he is moving back here.

Last night on the phone she made it seem like he was less of the problem, and it was more of an issue in her head about not wanting to get right back into something serious after exiting what was an emotional rollercoaster of a serious relationship. She cared deeply for me, and was selfish in holding on to me while I was hurting, because she couldn’t give me that level of commitment. It doesn’t change much… but that’s what I gathered.