Dear anita,
thank you again for your advice. It really helps me to just write down my thoughts, because I still feel confused.

I know this was not love. Maybe he had feelings for me, but he did not treat me respectfully. And I don’t even know about my own feelings… The whole situation just was too much for me and I did not know how to handle it.

I think for him it’s just completely normal that when a man wants sex, the woman has to give it to him. He could absolutely not understand that I did not feel comfortable with this. I tried to explain it to him many times, but it was of no use! He said he had regretted what he had done to me, but he also said it was not because of me, but because of the sins we had commited according to his religion. He also apologized, but later did the same again.

On one hand, I feel sorry for him, because the rules of his religion and his culture are so strict, that it must be hard for him to live up to this ideal. It’s normal that he wants sex, but if he gets it before marriage, it’s a sin. So it must be kept a secret…

But on the other hand, I hate the way he talks about women and that he can absolutely not see their point of view! He said that german women (I’m from Germany) sleep with everyone. He also seems to expect that his future wife is a virgin, when he himself is not. He even said that he does not want the “garbage” from another man! Well, I don’t know if he was serious about that, because he later said that it was not true and that he just wanted to know what I would say… On other occasions he said that he doesn’t mind if a woman has been with another man, as long as she is honest about it. I don’t know who he really is and what he really believes in? Why does he feel the need to constantly test me?

For me this was the first “relationship” in my life. I’m not that young any more, but I am extremely shy, especially with men… Before this thing I was okay with the fact that I would likely stay alone my whole life… I wonder if I will ever experience a normal relationship in my life? Or if this experience is all I get? But for now, I think it’s better to stay alone. First I need to work on my problems. Even before all of this happened I wanted to go to psychotherapy. Last week I had a first talk with a therapist, but they can only offer me an appointment in 6 – 8 months. So I have to continue looking! I already made a list with therapists to call.

Since I wrote this message to him, he hasn’t knocked on my door or contacted me any more. I hope that means it’s over now! But he also deleted his facebook. Maybe because I wrote that if he was to ever harass me again, I would file a complaint against him. I didn’t want to scare him off facebook, I just wanted him to leave me alone. Because I don’t think anything good will come out of this! And I can’t act like nothing happened and be friends with him now! But I don’t plan on doing anything against him.

I worry a bit about him. And I’m sorry for my share in this failed “relationship”. All the time I think about the things I said to him. Once I even said that he had raped me… But I apologized for it later and said that it wasn’t rape… I constantly blamed him. The whole thing was just toxic and I wish I would have been able to end it sooner! But he also was so persistent! And I was confused. For some time I hoped to at least be friends with him. But when we tried to be friends, it didn’t work! We still did sexual things together, which made me feel uncomfortable, because this was not a real relationship and because he would always pressure me and everything would end up in a huge fight…

I do hope that this over now! I wonder what will happen when I meet him accidently… After all, we live at the same place. I want to move out, but most likely it will take me a few months.

Thank you if you took the time to read all of this…