Dear anita,
how did you get on that path to healing? Did you also try therapy? It gives me hope to hear that other people with similar issues can overcome them or at least learn how to deal better with them. I hope that will be possible for me too one day!

I agree with you, I think as well that he is confused! It must be hard for him to live so far away from his family, in a country with a culture so different from his own. I also don’t think that he is a bad person. In his culture, this kind of behavior and his views are normal, I guess. But I still cannot let him treat me this way. You are right, for now I should focus more on myself. I surely have enough work to do with that alone!

I don’t think it will be possible to talk to him again and I also am not sure if it’s a good idea! He was the one who wanted to talk to me and wanted to be friends, but I pushed him away again and again. I think after my final message this door is closed. It was not a very nice message.
I wrote: Yesterday I said that we could be friends, but it’s not possible! I don’t want that! Not after everything that happened. I can’t act like it never happened. I don’t feel comfortable in your presence. You don’t respect my choices and you immediately offend me if I don’t do what you want… Please leave me alone! If you continue to harrass me, I will file a complaint against you. So don’t you ever knock on my door again! I’m blocking you on facebook now. I DON’T WANT ANY CONTACT WITH YOU!

I must have really hurt him! He even deleted his facebook… I guess I should have at least told him in person… But in the past, it just didn’t work. Often when I tried to talk to him, he thought I wanted sex. Also he would not leave my room if I asked him to or would not let me leave his room. And I also can express myself better in writing than orally. Okay, maybe it was just the easier route for me. I guess it was also not fair to not give him a way to respond…

But I was so scared that everything would start all over again! That we would end up having sex and fighting and hurting each other. The sexual attraction is just too strong, especially on his part. Even the day before, when we talked about being friends, he insisted on me lying down next to him in my bed and he wanted to touch me and rubbed himself against me. And I also do what he wants in the end most of the time. Because I also enjoy it when he hugs me and all that and I have trouble saying no. But at the same time I know that we are too different and I also can’t accept how he treats me not respectfully… And then I get scared that he just wants to use me and I start to fight and blame him…

So I thought not staying in contact would be the best. So that it would end, so that I could move on and he too. Even though one part of me really wants to be friends. But I think I should leave it be now. I’m just thinking about telling him that he doesn’t have to be scared and that I won’t do anything against him… Still, I’m scared that this might start this toxic cycle again and so I guess I will let it be…

Thank you again! It’s so kind of you to help me and others in this forum!

Lily.