Hi Flower,

I’m assuming he knew you were in an Open Marriage when you hooked up the first time. I hate to say it, but that is every man’s fantasy and part of the allure. “I get to sleep with other women and keep my wife? Awesome!” or “I get to bang Joe’s wife and he’s OK with it? Awesome!” I am learning that that is NOT how it is at all in Open Relationships (according to those in Open Relationships) but it IS how the general population views it at first blush. Of course your BF was warm, open and loving ~ he could be without having to pay the price!

But look, now you are going through a real grown-up divorce and are talking about real grown-up commitment. I’m sorry, but my crush wanting to move across the ocean to be with me would freak me out too, no matter how much I loved him! He would basically be or at least feel responsible for you ~ the very opposite of when he met you!

You’ve also got to understand that people are mostly monogamous most of the time. Good for you for exploring the polyamorous side! But now it’s time to also honor the way we humans in general are made to be ~ monogamous.

What I would do is not mention it again. Then next year visit more or have the visit be longer. Etc. Eventually it will be as if you lived there, and then one day you will! Will the guy still be around or available? Will you? I don’t know. You’d have to feel it out as you go along.

Take Care,

Inky