Marisol,

Glad to hear from you again.

“Although it is something that I want , I have to question whether this is something that he wants” Okay, so you got him to promise loyalty to you, but you’re wondering whether it was something that he wants, which to me says that you did not talk it over enough to ask him if it was what he wanted. Had you, then you would know if it is what he wants. Basically then, it seems this promise was rather vague and one sided.

“I am not sure about what I want mostly because my gut is telling me that something is off. Yesterday I ended up catching him in a lie involving a girl and the discovery is making me feel like I am back at square one emotionally.” I say, trust your extincts. More often than not, I am about to do something but have the sinking suspicion that it is not what I should be doing, and it usually ends up right. Those feelings are there for a reason. Trust them. As for you catching him in a lie, while I do not know what that lie was, ask yourself, does this compromise his promise of loyalty to you? If so, then he all ready broke his promise, which means that he is all ready off to a bad start. Not a good thing. If he broke his promise so soon all ready, what is to stop him from breaking it again?

At this point, while he understands that you are upset, because you did not respond to him, he knows you enough that he knows it is only a matter of time before you start talking to him again. This is what he knows, because it is what you continue to do. I am not judging you, I am simply stating what I see. I say this because he will continue to take advantage of this. In fact, he all ready did. Had he understood the concept of losing you last time when you enforced the no contact rule, he wouldn’t have been lying to you this time.

“I feel that I shouldn’t respond all together, cut him loose, and continue on no contact but my guilt of it seeming like I am ghosting him is preventing me from doing so.” This is how you feel, so ask yourself, what is keeping you there? You admit how bad your relationship to him was, so my question to you is, what prevents you from letting go? And this guilt, about ghosting him. Well, you have a right to simply cease all contact. However, if it makes you feel better, write him a letter. Tell him all the things that made you happy, the good things you shared, but also explain to him how badly he treated you, explain to him how it made you feel. Cuss him out, question him, do whatever you need to. If this is what you need for closure, then do it. However, it is up to you whether you send him this letter or not. Personally, writing the closure letter should be enough, you don’t have to send it. However, if you want to hold him accountable then let him read it.

I know it hurts. It always does, and that is why you are in this dilemma, because you care. It is never easy letting go. It is one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes, you just have to do it because it is what is best for you. Think of what is best for you, not him. You are only responsible for yourself, not him.