Thank you for your kind words, Anita!
I am just a few years older than you, so I feel you are of the same generation and thoughts.

I am very clear that this is not a re-do for sure. We have spoken nearly daily and have gone over the past, even from our childhood and beyond our brief marriage. We cannot bring the past, and cant fix it. We are very cognizant of that. We have discussed and analyzed all the “What If’s of the past.
Remember that in those days, there was no cell phone or internet. I lived at home, and still was going to college every day. I heard nothing from him, after I left, and was stunned to think it was so trivial, that he didnt make the effort. The stunning thing I found out, was that his calls to my home were blocked and a restraining order against him made out in my name. WHAT? I had no inkling of this. It appears my mother forged my signature, and I was unaware. The story told to him was that I was mentally destroyed and that he abused me and not to come near me. He had watched me from afar for years, and then gave up, married and moved away. It is amazing of him following my life from afar. He knew when I got married, he knew I married his friend, he knew when I moved and where. He knew where I worked, he knew when my only child was born.
He said he was so afraid, because he thought he “destroyed” me, and wouldnt want me to run away in terror or fear. I literally settled for less later, and married just to do it, since everyone else was, at the age of 27.
He remembered my birthday forever, he said. He had my birthday date as the number on his league uniforms ( he played softball), and always felt a connection.
40 years and I never knew this person was watching and waiting. He said he finally overcame his fear on my 60th birthday, searched me on the internet and sent me a birthday card that arrived on my exact birthday. Luckily, I was home alone and got the mail that day. He said he wished me happiness and was deeply sorry for the pain he caused. I WAS STUNNED! Pain? I was the impetuous child girl who left without a thought or a chance for him. I searched and found the return address and phone. I sent a message via FB to call me to clear up this misunderstanding.
We have talked, cried, laughed, prayed, been with each other for a day or two every 4 months or so. It is such a deep soul connection that has not died, but has intensified. I know that if I love this person like I do, I could lose everything that I Have. I have no idea who this could end up, but in his presence, I don’t even care.
I will have scary moments and probably lots of anger and abuse thrown my way, and I know it when I open the truck door and go to him. Those ( family) who say they “love” me, really don’t, they just know that I make things convenient and comfortable for them. If they truly loved me, they would want me to find my happiness. Most of my married family life has been ” What about me?” from those around me. My mother also was ” What about me? You owe me!” ,so life kept repeating itself.
I have a final chance to be loved, adored and cherished for me unconditionally by my first love.
We do not regret what we have done, we have regret for what we have not done……………………