HI Anita,
My 20 year old son is in college, junior year. He know nothing of what is in my mind or heart. Not his businees at the moment, as he is very enmeshed and friendly with his dad ( my husband), calling and texting dialy to talk about sports, and college life with him. He does call me once in awhile when needing an academic question or advice, and to let me know he needs books ordered or etc, about school. See, I am the academic one and Dad is the sports buddy. I know nothing of sports and couldnt be bored more with it. So, we have our roles with kiddo.
My son will contact me and tell me what a “skank” I am if not worse words. He doesnt understand, as he has never had a serious girlfriend and quite the player as it were. Feels women are a “pain in the …ss.
So, I am good with that, I know deep within me, that I gave it all for him and made sure he was confident, strong and serious about his education. ( Dirty, dark secret, I have 5 abortions before him, as pressed by my husband and how a kid wouldn’t fit in our life at the time). I finally grew some cahones, and defied my husband on the 6th pregnancy and he backed down, but not after a month of attempting to strongly coerce me to have another abortion. Secretly, I wanted a child so much, but acquiesced to him every time. So ironic that they are the best of buddies now. Absolutely no one knows of this, except my husband and me.

You are correct, on the releasing. It is ME that has to leave, even though it is my house and my belongings. I cant speak logically or calmly to the husband, not sure of emotional collapse or violence that may come of it. We have never soulfully talked, as he is uncomfortable with being insightful. I am saving money in order to pay for a hotel room for about 3 weeks at the cost of a couple thousand. Drop a letter with short concise info, as in ”
Cant do this anymore, dont have it in me anymore, no love anymore?. WIll not bring up other, as this will just have hime focus his rage on the other and how that bastard came back around again! ( tHOUGH IT HAS BEEN 40 yEARS).If he doesn not vacate the hosue in 3 weeks, I will calmly tell him I cant pay an aprtment for myself, and the house, so I am wiling to foreclose it, I dont give a damn. That is what I am prepared to do. Having paid for everything, he will need to start paying his way in this life, as I have spent most of my money and he has saved his. Let him take his savings ( 40K) and make a life for himself. Material things dont mean a damn thing to me anymore, and once the timing is right, I will bounce from this. I have a high level super-responsible job, so have to wait a few months til June, when I can take some time off for the storms that will engulf me. I will definitely live alone, so I can figure out my next step. My beloved can come visit or I with him for a few days at a time, until the storms settle down. That be my plan so far. You thoughts?