Amelia,

The break up with my ex boyfriend was very hard. I broke up with him on a whim, on a moment during which I had just had enough. He had been joking around about his friends telling him to break up with me and he said that he was considering it, during that moment he was high. However, I didn’t care, I had had enough, so I told him “here, I’ll make it easy for you, it’s over. Have fun with your buddies.” I still remember afterwards how he kept asking me to take him back, that he was kidding, etc. It was hard for me to stay away, because like you I had so many what ifs and I was regretting it. However, while we tried to fix our relationship a few months after that, I saw that nothing had changed. He stopped hiding it from me, I saw how much the drugs played a role in his life. I saw how he acted so differently around others. He then felt the need to hide from his friends that we were talking, because they didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t stand his drug use. He was hiding me, constantly talking to me yet hiding it from everyone else. At our worst, his friend threatened me and I took action. It got him in legal troubles because they found marijuana on him, well his mother then hated me for it. Can you believe it? I was the bad one for fearing for my safety, how dare I get her son caught with marijuana. She was mad about the fees and couldn’t stand the idea of her son around me. So we went our own way. I couldn’t stay, not after he was all right and was joking about the threat from his friend. Through it all, I loved him, so strongly, so deeply. I didn’t want to give up, I wanted to help him, I wanted to see what our relationship would be like if he stopped the drug use. To this day I still wonder what if…. However, I see that he is still on the same path as he was. Still uses drugs, very often, so I know that I made the right choice by staying away. It was not easy. So many times I wanted to go back to him, to help him, to be there for him, especially when he had family problems.

Don’t be pressured to make a decision. Think it through. Perhaps it would be best if you try to talk to him about. Tell him about your concerns, your lack of trust, your fears about him lying even more. See how he reacts, then make a choice.

Otherwise, like you said, take a day off. Relax, you are in no rush. Think it through, a decision like this is by no means easy. Just the opposite actually. I know all too well how hard it can be to leave someone whom you love and see so much potential in.

If you decide to stay and work things out, take your time, baby steps. You shouldn’t feel pressured to trust him, his actions will define if he gains your trust back. If he does, then great, you get a chance to see how far your relationship can go. If after a while you decide it is not working out, well that is all right as well, you gave it your best and can leave with no regrets.