Self-hatred, shame and similar core emotions are not uncommon and usually result from childhood, being raised by parents who criticize and disapprove relentlessly. This leaves a deep emotional scar – a core emotion – that then leads to all kinds of emotional, cognitive and behavioral reactivity, including bulimia, BDD, addiction and depression.

The mindfulness path does provide a way forward. Basically, and this is what I teach my online clients over and over again, you must change your relationship to those core emotions themselves by developing your True Self. No matter how unpleasant the emotions are, there is always a bigger aspect of your Self that can become aware of those emotions and that can respond with compassion to those core emotions. This is what must happen: to form a caring and conscious relationship between your True Self and the Little Self that is the core emotions. Learn to care for your shame or self-hatred just as you would care for an animal in pain.

This process of building an internal relationship based on conscious love with your emotions is the practice of Mindfulness Meditation and is what I teach in great detail. It works extremely well for overcoming anxiety and the intense emotional reactivity that underlies BDD, food addictions and other addictions. So, learn to meditate on the emotions themselves. Cultivate love, not hatred towards those very emotions. This is what brings about transformation and healing better than any other approach I know of.

Peter Strong
Boulder Center for Online Mindfulness Therapy