Hello again, Anita…
Baby steps included researching the actual divorce/separation laws in my state. Also, figuring out how I can get a loan off of my 401K, to get some 5-6K to live on, if R-2 wont leave the house in several weeks after I leave. I would still need to pay the mortgage and bills for one more month, as well as have somewhere to live and pay for it on my own. I will not go to live with R-1, immediately, in order to demonstrate that this isn’t the reason I am leaving. Also, wont be tangible proof of infidelity if that is pursued by R-2.
I have copies of all current financials, and since we have separate accounts, I know his account #’s and his financials also.
I have gathered a Rolodex of all his online credit cards and other accounts with all the passwords, etc, to give to him, so he wont be depending on me anymore. Right now, I pay the online CC and other bills of his, at his direction. He don’t like the computer, so I am the caretaker on that. Once I leave, then he will have his info and need to figure it out.

There is nothing of real value in this house, and I wont be dickering about sofa’s or stuff, so I don’t care what he wants. If he refuses to leave the house, I will not keep paying on it. He can start paying or I can foreclose. I don’t give a damn, except that it will trash my credit and I know that. The only value I have is my little dog, so have researched for hotels/ extended stays that take pets.
He will not pay the son’s tuition going forward when I leave, as he will need to pay rent and his living expenses and not pay the monthly tuition bill. I will negotiate through my lawyer, how to pay that if he refuses. I do know he has nearly 40K in his private checking account( such a saver, huh?), so he can start paying his own life and probably could pay son’s last year of college. If he refuses, I will cash out a small 401K of mine and pay it, with advice from lawyer as part of how to negotiate later on.
I am not immediately concerned with immediate divorce, as it takes a year of “desertion” on the simplest terms. I own my car and have my own credit. There is nothing shared, except his joint checking account (I don’t touch, its his). I have separate checking, etc, so it will be a blip on the screen from that standpoint. Lawyer costs will be about 5K, so will need to save for that also.
My only real “unknown” is the actual leaving, where to stay, and what happens if he just wont move on, such as not leaving the house, quitting his job, just not functioning and finding his place to stay? Remember we are older, and he aint no spring chicken anymore. I am concerned he may fall apart, and the burden will be on me, since I initiated it. My other concern is that the cell phone wont stop ringing, with begging, threats, tears, etc. I will have to set boundaries on what I can or cant take with this.
R-1 states he is going to be my strength and my wall, when the sh… storms come. We may visit each other frequently,and share weekends together, but I wont jump from one man to the other immediately. We live several states apart. I am independent, and don’t need to be taken care of, except emotionally for now. I am thinking that I will be making my move in the spring or summer this year. My job is less intense and I can take absences longer, after the spring, if needed, as i have lots of vacation time to take. I remain as is, for now.
R-1 talks of taking several weeks vacation with me, to the most romantic place of Bora Bora, Tahiti for my mental and emotional health when the time comes.( He aint rich, but states he would spend his last dime to show his love). He never pressures and gives no ultimatums, just wants me to be happy. He deeply understands my fears and feels a little compassion for his old friend R-2_), and wishes him no harm. He just wants to love me in ways I have never been used to. He is enchanting and so excessively in love with me, it blows me away. I have deep love for him and his gentle, sweet ways. Never had that before, always some macho “posturing” from the men I dated before marrying again.
Once I burned my candle at both ends after my childhood divorce, I see that I had always thought his(R-1) kind ways were boring. We are now older by 4 decades, and this is my heart’s desire- to live in peace and be adored and cherished by R-1.
I have had 2 years to figure if this was a fantasy, a lie or other delusion on my part or his. It is not, it is an enchanted and deeply spiritual connection between us, and we want to be happy, for the time we have left on this earth..

Our wedding anniversary was yesterday, and he had sent me an anniversary card with 2/4/1974 in the corner, as he has always said he never forgot me ever. He says he hopes to have a new lifetime with me, for the years we have left. I also received flowers today – 40 deep pink roses, and 1 white one. I was home alone, so it was fine. He told me it was for the last 40 years, and the white one was for the best, most perfect year of his life being married to me. Corny, but intoxicating, coming from his mouth. I kept the white rose, and took the rest to the nursing home nearby, to have them give to the ladies in the rest home. I know he spent about $300 on this, what a silly but wonderful man. He isn’t angry that i sent it away, he knows and understands and knew I had to do something with them.. He just wanted me to have a concrete tangible expression of his deep desire to be with me. Sigh……what a story, huh?
Nan, she ran, into his arms……………smile…..