anita –

i’m actually so glad that you brought that idea up because the whole “universe will give you what you want/think positive” thing just hasn’t seemed to make sense. and then no matter how people make it seem like “oh i got this because i wanted it” or “wow look at me i’m famous cause i put this energy into the universe and it worked out for me so now look at me because i made it”. i never really understood it. i believed it because this was something my grandfather was very serious about – the universe, but i never understood it, never tried to understand it because i always felt it was so much bigger than praying or anything.

i’m so glad you said it that way anita because you’re right. i COULD’VE said something to that girl today, and maybe the universe did give that to me by having her being there. i don’t know. i don’t know how it works.

now with the waiting and the taking action – i feel like i always mess THAT part up. like how now after maybe a whole year, sending the guy i like just one message allows him to send me stuff now, BUT how do i react? i feel like if i do anything to be myself or try to be sociable (which is NOT easy at all for me) that’s when i mess up. i have the chance, i suppose, but i don’t know what to do with it. but just to say, i don’t feel that i have to be perfect, i can be closer to myself when i talk to him, but i do try to be a little more dainty than usual so that i can come off as some kind of attractive. just so that there is at least some kind of appeal. other than that, i’m usually myself because i want him to take me for who i am. i am not so sure how this whole relationship thing works at all. as far as i’m concerned i’ve never had any friend besides my grandpa and this guy that i like, i want him to be my friend so bad, but i don’t know how to make that happen. me and my grandpa just clicked, which makes a soulmate only much more believable to me. and i know that i said me and the guy that i really like, i feel that we are soulmates, but wouldn’t we have clicked already? i think so, BUT, i think that maybe since i felt so good about being myself around him since the beginning that that means something. i feel as though maybe he just needs to see me as a less timid version of myself and maybe he’d like or appreciate me and all of that.