i’m not sure anita, i never looked at it like that, but i truly did believe everything my grandpa told me. i always believed in spirits, but i never knew what was behind it, but he did and he helped me kind of categorize what that was or just to give it a name other than just “ghosts” he opened my eyes to the world. to the universe. to just…being. it’d be nice to feel that love all the time, but i think there’s a big difference between loving something or someone and then being in love. i save in love feelings for certain things and people. i haven’t really figured if too many people deserve that kind of love from me. especially if they’re going to make me feel bad for feeling that way. for feeling overly passionate about them or something i like. this guy that i like is special and i choose him to have the love that i have for him. just figuring out whether he wants it or not, i think that’s way ahead of me at this time. i don’t think we’re at a point where i can ask or tell him about it. i hope things move along a little further by sometime this year. i’ve liked him for almost 4 years now and he’s really the only one i’m going for. i don’t want anyone else. this i’m very sure about. i used to say the same thing about a lot of the crushes i had just to make it feel or seem real to me, but this guy, he’s like the top of the line. the one i’d really only want. for real.

i think going up for vice president at the school club is definitely the challenge for today. there was so much talking to so many people today and it was so out of my comfort zone. and that’s just today. imagine what’ll be asked of me next tuesday haha!