Dear Nan:

Francesca was afraid of change. She told that to Robert when he told her change is comforting, that you can always count on it. She told him it frightens her. Iowa suited her. She couldn’t understand how Robert just got off the train in Bari, Italy, just because he liked the view of it from the train. She asked, astonished, something like “You just got off the train just because you felt like it…without knowing anyone?” And later she asked him: How can you do whatever you want… what about other people?”

All along Francesca was afraid. No, she was not… made for a sophisticated, adventurous life in let’s say Manhattan or some big city. She liked the security of rural Iowa, the fact that she didn’t have to lock the car… it suited her. She was comfortable where she lived. That was her home. Robert on the other hand, felt at home anywhere he went, so he said. His home was everywhere.

When her hand was at the door handle of the truck, it was fear that kept her in. It was fear all along.

In real life, fear is the most powerful emotion there is. Nothing more powerful. What you are describing, what happened 40 years ago, is fear. He was afraid 40 years ago and he is afraid today. 40 years ago he was afraid to be arrested (even though he committed no crime, so he was easily intimidated by your mother and a lawyer) and he is afraid today, afraid of his sons discovering his activities, afraid to lose money… and you are afraid, afraid what will happen to R-2, afraid you will not have enough money, afraid…

And so everyone is waiting for the right time. The time with best chances for minimal risk. But there will always be fear. There will not be a time without fear of making the moves, the changes that need to be made.

The thing is… there is fear now. There has always been fear. All these years, didn’t you stay with R-2 because you were afraid, afraid you don’t deserve better, afraid of something…?

anita