Home→Forums→Relationships→Bridges of Madison County_What if?
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March 3, 2016 at 3:57 pm #97917
NanParticipantHello All,
The Bridges of Madison County movie profoundly affected me, as I am also like Francesca with her door on the handle of the truck! The “What If’s” could make you sleepless thinking of the missed opportunities! Have any of you been at the point of ” Do I run or do I stay?” What stopped you or made you open the door and run? I feel like if I don’t make the run, I will forever regret the life I could have, with someone who adores me, versus the melancholy and sadness of being taken for granted every day of my life. It will destroy the comfort zone that my partner has, but I feel that I am appreciated for what I do for everybody else, and not for who I truly am. Someone else adores and cherishes me and wants me to leave it all behind for him.
I am in the stages of planning to open the truck door and jump out without regard for those who had no regard for me. I would like to hear of others how they managed their dilemma………………March 3, 2016 at 9:05 pm #97927
AnonymousGuestDear Nan:
I am so excited! I have my notes next to me only it is dark now. I would like to share them with you! And I am only half into the watching while taking notes!
From memory of this last viewing, Francesca was looking forward for her husband and two teenagers to leave so that she can be alone. This is before Eastwood came into the picture. She looked forward to be alone so that she can stop playing that ROLE, of wife and mother. So she can be alone with her thoughts and feelings, not having to be limited to that role. This makes me think of your role, the role of wife that is taken for granted, accommodating your husband’s comfort zone (this is only from your post above), doing for everybody else. This is your role.
And you wrote, above, that you have not been appreciated “for who I truly am”
Like Francesca, she was appreciated for being a mother and a dutiful wife but not for who she really is.
Who was Francesca? Remember she got angry at Eastwood and told him: you think I am just a simple housewife… and before he left that night he told her that she is anything but simple? He said: “Don’t kid yourself, Francesca. You are anything but simple” I think is what he said. This is one time when he saw her for what she truly was, that there was MORE to her than her role.
Hoping to get your post and will write more tomorrow! Glad you started this thread. This movie means a lot to me too and there is much, much more to get from it! This is just the beginning, what we touched on here so far.
anita
March 3, 2016 at 9:25 pm #97930AnonymousInactiveHi Nan,
I don’t watch a lot of television and I’m neither against anybody who does. 🙂
As far as your life is concerned, I would definitely go be happy with this person who adores you and you two can run off and move somewhere together. I don’t see anything wrong with that, since both of you are adults and love each other.
M.
March 4, 2016 at 12:13 pm #98004NanParticipantThank you ElleTinker and Anita!
The Bridges of Madison County is a popular
book and also a movie….Here is what I had a thought about Francesca- She has spent her life WAITING…she came to the US and was plunked in the middle of nowhere, to be the dutiful wife and mother. Seems she had more sophisticated young life in Italy before meeting her American solder husband and being exiled to the farmlands of her husbands choice years before.. Wanting a little more charm and elegance than what became her lot. She did not fit in with the farm wives and had loneliness in her heart. Robert (Eastwood) recognized she had more sophistication and intellect and had dreams of a more colorful life than the grey skies of Iowa. He came along and made her feel like if she would only drop her fears and come with him, she would experience the life and LOVE she was seeking. The sadness is the rest of the story, how she didn’t open the door and flee. She continued her melancholy dreary life, being the good mother and wife, and allowing the fire in her soul to be extinguished. She had this ache for him for years after, and kept the secret in her heart.
Elle Tinker*** My backstory to this is under this forum of Relationships with post titled Past/Present/Future Dilemma. It spells out the dilemma I am under. Thanks for your kind and helpful thought!March 4, 2016 at 12:50 pm #98011AnonymousGuestDear Nan:
I didn’t read the book, only watched the movie, so I am going only by the movie.
I don’t know if she had a more sophisticated life in Italy. She said she lived in Naples and I was never there but I did spend some time in Bari where she was born. There is a big train station there. stepping out of the train, I was surrounded by a group of young Italian men, following me simply because i was a foreigner, and from the U.S. They seemed desperate to get out of Bari.
I don’t even know if it was sophistication that she was missing. I saw no evidence at all that it was sophistication that she was missing. She had dreams when she lived in Italy, when she was a girl and those dreams did not materialize. But I don’t know what those dreams were.
When Robert came along, I don’t think that his message was that if she goes with him, then she will experience the life and love she was seeking. I think that the exciting things already happened in those 4 days. It was about continuing with day 5, 6… and on.
Remember when he asked her about her husband and she said that he was clean: that is the first thing that came to her mind to describe her husband. What do you think it meant?
And as what happened in those 4 days, this is what I want to talk with you about further!
anita
March 6, 2016 at 1:22 pm #98191NanParticipantThe first thing that came to her mind was that her husband was “clean”? Strange, seems kind of bland in what she said. He was obviously not exciting and she was another farm hand from what I interpreted. No excitement, lots of farm work. She didnt first say he was handsome, or gentle or anything sort of like that.The interesting thing was she was not actively looking for someone or something to rescue her. His coming up the road to her house because he was lost, appeared to be synchronicity to me. He needed someone to share his life with, she had resigned herself to the life she had before the chance meeting. I believe in synchronicity and divine interventions sometimes. He brought out her womanliness and her desires and dreams. She was married to a man who was as stable as dirt, not cherishing her and taking her for granted. Remember the brandy, never opened til Francesca offered to Robert? So many little things in our life makes us feel loved and special. When we are taken for granted with no sweetness or gentle gestures for us, we wither and become just a survivor on a daily basis. Robert demonstrated his appreciate for her beauty and coaxed the hidden sexuality she had inside her. She also had appreciation for the “art” of his photography, and understood his soul as he showed it through the inspiring pictures. She did not think she was attractive, til Robert did a picture of her on the bridge. She was a little surprised to see herself in that way. She had locked down her sensuality and dreams, in order to cope.What is your take on the relationship? Anita?
March 6, 2016 at 1:26 pm #98192AnonymousGuestDear Nan:
How are you? I hope that our somewhat different here and there interpretation of the movie is not … going to discourage you from keep going here: there is much to examine!
Hoping you are still interested: remember at the beginning when Francesca’s daughter was reading what her mother wrote? Her mother wrote: I could have let this die with the rest of me, but as she gets older it becomes important to be known for all that you are?
This is what happened in those 4 days, she became known to Robert as more than the role she was living. She became known for the child that she was, a child with dreams, before fear made her be only a small part of who she was.
Thoughts?
anita
March 6, 2016 at 1:28 pm #98193AnonymousGuestNan- I posted the above BEFORE I read your post just above. Double posting, it is.
anitaMarch 6, 2016 at 2:15 pm #98204AnonymousGuestDear Nan:
Responding to your latest post: I missed the whole brandy comment! She opened it for him then. These gestures, remind me of the roses (it was roses, was it?) he sent you, one for each year you were not together. You donated them quickly but the gesture was dear to your heart!
When she said her husband was clean, it made me think that maybe when she was physically intimate with her husband she thought to herself: this is not great, quite boring. I am not excited and it means nothing much to me. But at least he is clean! At least I don’t have to be with someone dirty and stinky!
This is what I was thinking!
You asked what I thought of Francesca’s relationship with her husband, correct? I thought she wanted to accommodate his wishes, that is why she stopped teaching. I think he knew (and he told her so on his death bed) that he knew this is not what she wanted. So he knew all along that she was compromising big time AND he was okay with it all along.
And he never talked to her about it until he was on his death bed. Somehow he thought it was a good deal for her, be the wife and mother that she was. Maybe he thought that her dreams were not realistic, if he at all knew what they were. They definitely did not talk much, at all really about things that mattered, other than day to day practicalities.
anita
March 6, 2016 at 8:14 pm #98228AnonymousInactiveOk Nan. I will have to watch the movie sometime, thank you for letting me know more about it 🙂
March 7, 2016 at 9:17 am #98295NanParticipantHi Anita,
Interesting perspective you had about the husband. He knew she compromised and settled for the life they lived. And that he was OK with it, means it was quite convenient and comfortable for him, huh? No guilt or concern she might have wanted something “more”, because it might disrupt his tidy little life. Did mention on his deathbed,….how convenient….couldn’t bring it up before since it might open up a whole can of worms. On his deathbed, she is still his caretaker and cant even leave then for the deep responsibility she has for caring for him.
Then she loses contact because Robert’s address, etc and doesn’t actively pursue it further. Kind of passive I think. She is so gentle (or passive) that she just withers away til death. Hurts my heart to feel that….Clean is good, but passionate hot and aromatic probably more exciting! Seeing my R-1 in April. Have not seen in 6 months. Will be celebrating my birthday and 2 years of the re-connection. Still in neutral at home, just waiting for the epiphany from the universe to enlighten me as to WHEN……
March 7, 2016 at 9:43 am #98302AnonymousGuestDear Nan:
I like your input above: yes, it does make sense to me, it being convenient and comfortable for him… not very loving after all, is it? Not very loving to choose his comfort zone over her well being. Hmmm.. good point. And the fact that she withers away till death instead of… well instead of opening that truck door for one, and then not looking for Robert more actively… yes, that sucks big time, in my mind, now that I am thinking about it. She’s been submissive BIG TIME, submissive to social conventions and in so doing, choosing to be blind to reality, blind to the real nature of her husband’s love for one.
You wrote that you are “waiting for the epiphany from the universe to enlighten (you) as to WHEN…”
What is the nature of the epiphany you are waiting for?
anita
March 8, 2016 at 9:07 am #98371NanParticipantOne of my concerns is that R-1 has two sons in their 30’s who are up in his business constantly. Since they had found out about our connection, they have overtly threatened me and him about blowing this up for me. They had called my home phone a year ago and threatened to tell my husband and call my son at college and make it bad for me. ( You can google anything these days….). So I backed down and made sure they thought it was over between us. I wasn’t ready to blow up my life at the time. I have been putting steps in place and able to make the move, once I am assured that his sons are on their own and R-1 has stopped enabling them. They were living with him as they were unemployed and he enabled them for years having them live in the marital home for more than 8 years and still unemployed. I have told him I wont make a move until I see that they are on their own and out of his business. The ex is using them to report on his activities and comings and going. We only talk at work and he has no cell phone as they took that from him at the time of discovery. He relented as he was protecting me from any hassle and injury to my life as it is. This is what is stopping me from pulling the trigger right now. I want to see them out of his house and there are some tepid plans of them moving out at end of March. I refuse to marry the whole family…….
March 8, 2016 at 9:22 am #98372AnonymousGuestDear Nan:
This is most amazing to me, amazing to me that I thought about it yesterday, recently, before reading your above post and before knowing there are problems with the getting together with R-1 on his side.
I was thinking about Francesca: was it all about Robert, about the love affair of 4 days with Robert? I don’t think so. She wanted to be alone when her husband and kids were away because she was already stuck in r role that was not good for her well being. She was already not herself, not true to herself. Robert just made her FEEL how it could be if she was true to herself, if she lived more than that role she was living. And her daughter, at the end of the movie, decided, as a result of reading her mother’s account, to separate from her husband- without having another man to replace the husband with.
In your case, reading from the other thread or threads about your marriage, the history and all, you wrote that there is something wrong and has been something wrong for the longest time, if not from the very beginning, with your second marriage, your marriage to R-2.
So to be true to yourself, in theory (I know it is very difficult), I can see you opening that truck door just so to get out!
It doesn’t have to be R-2 waiting for you outside the truck. In that car in front.
There is so much more to the movie, to your story, but I need to stop here so that I can get your input, after all you are the protagonist of your own story!
anita
March 8, 2016 at 11:28 am #98376NanParticipantFrancesca felt things she had not felt in a long time! She felt passion, sexuality, being adored, admiration, and this so excited her! Just like a usual extramarital affair does. I know the feeling. It has been 2 years now, and the complications are somewhat practical. Here is my biggest dilemma- I own this house and make the payments. I also pay all the house bills such as cable, car insurance, Cell phones, land phones internet, all of it. I have enough money to live in a low budget motel with my little dog for 3 weeks. What happens when he doesn’t move out, keeps sobbing his eyes out and is non-functional? I dont have a real back up plan. I dont have a friend here who would open their door to me for a several week stay. I have friends for lunch and casual stuff, but this could be the talk of the town, so I don’t divulge. I am feeling overwhelmed with this “what if” becuase I feel like I need to drop a letter and run. Also, do I say I am in love and that is why I am leaving? Or do I bring the generic ” I need more” to the discussion and leave it at that. I feel the generic version may leave the window open for R-2 to beg, plead and promise to make it all better. In my heart it is too late for that. What had he been doing for 30+ years? Just because his meal ticket is threatened, NOW he is paying attention. Too little, too late. How long can I keep that up? Gratefully, my job is telecommuter status, so I can work from anywhere in the states and still function. As long as i have my computer, of course!
The daughter saw the wasted lie of a life and then split from the husband, so she wouldnt waste her life, like her mother did. I am more motivated than Francesca, in that once free, I would hunt down Robert immediately and stop being so passive and just wasting away on it….I am fueling anxious today, like the days are ticking away, but my work is getting very busy right now, so keeping my eye on that for now as my focus. Tears come to me easily when I am alone, which is more than 10 hours a day…….Her
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