Dear Nan:

The legalities, well, I am not an attorney and even if I was, I am not an attorney in your state. So, it is good that you are familiar with the laws and I hope you double check any information you get.

My comment this morning will be about this:

You believe you are the Strong One and R-2 is the Weak One. I don’t see it that way. I see him as the strong one and you, as the weak one. If I choose black-and-white thinking, that is. At most, you are both weak. But in context of your relationship with R-2 you are definitely not the Strong One, and I don’t think you have ever been the Strong One. The bread winner, yes, but not the strong one. You think of him crying, crying and crying as weakness. i see it as his strength: this crying keeps you scared, paralyzed, under his control.

If he became physically violent with you as he did that one time you told me about, you would think of him as strong…? But why should he do that if crying does an excellent job for him keeping him as the strong One, as the one in control? It works way better because it is fooling you, making you think he is weak and so it keeps you deluded and therefore in a disadvantage.

You wouldn’t be as afraid of him as you are if he was the Weak One and you were the Strong One.

You are not “the man”, Nan. He is “the man.” I see myself saying it in the tone Robert in the movie used when he told Francesca that she is not a simple woman: “Don’t kid yourself, Nan, you are anything but the Strong One in this relationship!

What do you think?

anita