okay anita and joe, i just finished reading everything and i’ll say this: maybe it is all a ploy to make lots of people greedy and selfish or just batcrap crazy, but the more i think about it the only question that comes to mind is, “does this only work for certain people?” like how some people are just born gifted, is this part of a gift? i don’t know how much sense that will make to both of you, but maybe selectively, by god, we’re able to do certain things or just…more special? i can’t figure what i’m trying to say.

i really do think that this whole thing is a pipe dream scheme though and it sucks. it would be lovely as hell if we could just think of all the good things we want and have them, but as far as my 19 years go, i don’t even know. i don’t know if it’s real or just a fantasy thing.

and only lately am i trying things on my own so i won’t know the answer until i get answers myself. but as far as i’m concerned, it’s a scheme and only leaves everybody stuck in their dreams day and night. in their dreams and their nightmares at the same time.