i think everyone has a purpose in life. i feel like the people who were once bullied in life, they develop strength and compassion and an empathy for others. i feel like that is my purpose in life to take the compassion i’ve developed and use it to help others find their light. there is a buddhist quote “out of the mud, spotless the lotus grows” the lotus still retains it’s beauty and pristine nature despite the mud and obstacles that it grows out of. it is still able to be rooted with certainty where it stands and use the mud and struggles to grow and become beautiful and spiritual. I am reading a book by Betty Eadie called “Embraced By the Light.” As a young child, Betty’s parents were too busy to really pay attention to her and she grew up in a boarding school with nuns that instilled in her a fear of the darkness, loneliness and of a punishing, vengeful God. The nuns would shut her in a room when it was time for bed and she was away from her parents and alone, they would also discipline her when she disobeyed. She grew up and upon reaching 15, she felt like she was missing a piece of family and also she vowed when she met her own soul mate she would care for him and have the family, she never had. she had to leave school at fifteen to care for her older sister and ended up marrying her neighbor whom she stayed with for six years when they found out they weren’t compatible she was devastated. she felt lost and insecure and felt her prayers in God weren’t being answered, she wanted someone to love her for who she was. She had a fear of death because she felt inadequate and she felt that she was a sinful child and God would punish her. Over the years, she spent time trying to understand the meaning of her religion, feeling that something was missing. She went to another Native American Training School (she was native american) and while there she learned God as a loving God. yet, she found it difficult to accept that and she was still afraid of the dark and loneliness. she met her husband, joe who she is still married to today a few years later and no matter what happens they have the vow to remain loyal as a family. in her book, she talks about her near-death experience and how it taught her that she was loved and made her feel much better about herself. i feel like her book talks about the struggles and inadequacies we all face in life and the fears we have and how we should learn to love and live life to the fullest. i feel like i can connect with a lot of the stories i read about people that is why i choose those stories to read.

i agree that i have a a lot going on now and a relationship could complicate things. i found out that i received a 1490 on my Sats which is 10 away from my goal of 1500, but that’s okay because i’m going to work harder on doing better next time. i think it would be great if i went on a run with all of my friends and invited my special friend along, it might help him make more friends and make him feel more included. i went along the road my special friend lives on to get something from my house today and he waved at me from the garage. 5:30, i think he felt that i was a bit annoyed and that i was arguing with my parents so he came by and he smiled at me. he told me that no matter what happens it will be okay and that he has faith in me. he’s a great guy and i’m glad that i have him in my life. with the busy schedule i have in my life right now, i agree that it wouldn’t be a good addition to have him as a boyfriend, no matter how much he seems to want our relationship to go that direction. i think the reason why i feel so stressed out and annoyed at times is the fact that sometimes my parents can be so criticizing of me at times and they always see the negative things about me. since my special friend and i both like science, i think it would be good if we help each other with science. the greatest thing about my special friend is that he lives every moment of his life and he always enjoys acting and laughing, he is adventurous and tries to live life like it’s an effortless journey. i love him for the fact that when we run together, i feel like i am connected to the divine and truly experiencing what it feels like to be alive.

i like track and field a lot because i feel much more healthy and more accepting of my body than i’ve felt in my life. i think my life’s purpose is to find a spiritual balance within me and to truly live my life and help others. my special friend told me once that i have a lot of ambition and perseverance and that i had an intense passion for math and science that would get me far. he says there’s always a second chance to do better and he isn’t like my parents who whenever i don’t meet their expectations automatically assume i won’t do well. whenever i feel sad, he is always here to lend a hand and listen. i find that like Betty Eadie when i start my own family, i will teach my children to be confident and to teach them how to be self-confident and not be so criticizing of them. at 5:30, when i told my special friend that my parents were being so criticizing he told me not to worry about it and that he loved me and would stand by me.