Google just keeps on getting better and better;) it has connected my tinybuddha.com account to my gmail and i can receive and forward messages there. also you can read free online books with your google account.from creating schedules to reading books to having a route mapped for you, google is great. i still need a speaker for voice typing, but i’m not worried about that now, but it’s so cool. even though google doesn’t support windows xp, visa or 98 anymore, it still continues to upgrade itself;) Thanks for you advice and encouragement anita;) i am thinking of doing a spiritual journey log where i start meditating and documenting my day. i think this will help me become more consciously aware of what is hindering my spiritual purpose and what i am doing to get close to it. by documenting my thoughts and experiences throughout the day, i can reflect on them at the end of each day and see how much i’ve progressed. also, it helps me stay on track and not veer off and forget to meditate a day or so. i’m making this fun and not a chore though. i got the idea from reading a passage by ben franklin in my ap english textbook. in the passage, ben franklin states the thirteen virtues he believes will bring peace to a person and he creates a table with the days of every month and also the virtues and he tries to incorporate them in his life. i think he spends three weeks on each virtue until he feels like he has mastered it and moves on to the next. ben franklin believed that if he could achieve these thirteen virtues, he would be a more peaceful and happier person. however, there were many obstacles, but franklin persevered and made it to seven virtues before he realized when he had perfected the seventh one, he had forgotten to utilize the others before it. he kept trying and he realized that mankind cannot strive for perfection because there will always be flaws. some people believe franklin wasted his time trying to seek for perfection that he couldn’t have, but franklin disagrees, he says that it isn’t right for mankind to be perfect because if you have a perfect life, it would be meaningless and there would be no adventure for you since you have nothing to improve on. franklin said the imperfections that we have make us who we truly are and that they shape us and the experiences and decisions we make in life and that we should use our imperfections to grow. franklin says that his experiment (around 12 weeks) helped him see who he really was as a person and helped him feel more spiritually alive by making him realize that you can’t be perfect at everything, but you can try to live your life and try new things and try to attempt to be the best possible person you can be even with your flaws. You flaws are what makes you you and what makes the life you experience a journey that is to be lived, so accept your flaws and don’t let them hold you back from being the best you possibly can be.

http://www.sfheart.com/FranklinsVirtues.html

i read this article in december, but after spending 36.25 minutes meditating with my higher self this morning, this article surfaced in my mind and i believe it happened for a reason. on sat. when i felt a bit drained from the criticism of my parents, i remembered going to bed and asking the angels and buddha to show me what my true life purpose was. i had a dream in which i was out in the woods, out in nature and i met the buddha while crossing a bridge. i asked the buddha what my life’s purpose was and the buddha gave me a blue heart necklace with beautiful woodlands on it and told me to follow that path. i was quite confused as i continued on my way, but as i was walking along the path pondering it and enjoying the scenery, there was a time when i was wearing the necklace and the blue ribbon became tight and restrictive and i felt i couldn’t breathe and i cried out to the buddha and the angels “i feel very restricted and oppressed, i feel like i can’t make it.” (i think this symbolized the grip that negative criticism has on me and how i had to break free. i walked a while with the ribbon still holding me back and i felt myself struggle against the pressure, it was then i heard a voice say “don’t fight the struggles of life, accept them and embrace them and let them go, they don’t control who you are, only you control who you are.” the ribbon loosened a little until i came upon another bridge and upon crossing it, i met my special friend and my other two close friends andrew and dave. we raced through the woods and i felt carefree and happy and when we came upon a sparkling river, i was sitting with my friends and we were laughing and i felt that most of the pressure from the ribbon was fading. then i heard a voice say that if i could let go of all my insecurities and stop letting negative criticism influence me, i would be free of the ribbon’s restraint. i wasn’t sure how to do that, but i felt safe with my friends so i took the risk and opened myself to total love and trust and i watched the heart necklace soar into the heavens and my friends and i laughed, exhilarated. as we were walking together, thoughts came to me. i saw a beautiful blue sky and clouds and i realized and felt that when things were tough, i could always look at the heavens (buddha and angels for comfort, hence the blue on the necklace), the green woodlands was the being one with nature and traveling my path and the heart symbolized the fact that i would learn to love myself, appreciate life and listen to my heart. i felt elated on understanding the buddha’s message. in the dream, i felt myself raise my arms up to the heavens and felt a brilliant ray of light raining down on me and i just let it fill and heal me. also we came to a fork in the road and i realized i had to take a separate path from my friends and i felt sad “i’ll never make it alone” i thought. but suddenly, i saw a beautiful white wings lift me up and tell me to be strong, that i could make it through life, that i was a divine being and loved. i was told that i was a special person, just by myself and that i didn’t need others to make me happy if i didn’t learn to be happy within myself. i was afraid and insecure and unsure how to learn to love myself, but the angel said “don’t be afraid, i’ll be with you every step of the way. you’ll be okay.” i was still nervous and i felt my body start to glow and heat up and i felt fearful because when i looked down i found myself burning and i was afraid of losing myself. i screamed for my friends and i heard a voice say “it’s okay. you are being reborn. you need to lose your old self to discover who you really truly are. just accept it and don’t worry.” i felt myself rise out of the ashes as a phoenix and was amazed and awed. as the years went on, my phoenix body grew feebler and i felt once again in despair, afraid, but as i felt myself die,i thought i was going into eternal darkness, but i felt myself rise and my body become little pinpricks of light that exploded and i became a star in the night sky shining for others. i realized i think i understand that my purpose is to provide spiritual healing to others and also pursue my interests in math and science. i also think after this dream, i truly believe there is life after death and no matter what path i and my friends take, i will be okay. i wish all my friends including you anita the best of luck in all of life. remember you are a star and that nothing is impossible so go for your dreams and live life without regrets.

also, in physics honors which has become easier even though the teacher still doesn’t go over the answers to the worksheets until the day of the test or quiz. andrew is great because he has a lot of mechanical knowledge and i find that i’m learning lots from him, also he likes trigonometry in pre-calc more than asymptotes like me. I am reading Into the Wild and I think I like Chris Mccandless, however he is a bit stubborn and self-absorbed at times, but i admire his charisma, drive to be one with nature and also his interest in seeking out the adventure in life and letting nothing hold him back. andrew has a sarcastic, but witty sense of humor and we were both discussing the book and i think i might try what Mccandless did, but go with more supplies, andrew being the witty person he can be at times doesn’t think it is worth it to go to Alaska and do what Mccandless did, he shares the opposite view and thinks Mccandless was terrible at survival skills and wasted his life isolating himself from society. Dave and I were helping each other draft our essays on the issue of slavery and how we don’t have much freedom in society and we both agree that we like Mccandless; we both think he is very adventurous and brave for going out on his own and breaking free from the chains of society’s regulations. dave is a christian, while i’m a buddhist so we both have an appreciation for nature and when there are religious references in the book, dave and i sometimes discuss whether Mccandless took the journey to find himself and we both ponder the fact that maybe it would be worth sacrificing your life to really enjoy the beauty of what’s out there or maybe not as in andrew’s case since he thinks Mccandless should have been more prepared and that you can experience spiritual fulfillment without completely isolating yourself. In Into the Wild it states “The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. You don’t need anyone else to bring this new kind of light into your life. It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in new circumstances” (Kraeuker 57-59). I agree with this quote because life is an adventure and so many people are just drifting by in life, unhappy with their circumstances, but afraid to take a step, afraid to step out of their security and experience the beauty of life that when their moment comes, they realize they didn’t experience life as they should have. What Mccandless is saying is that you should look for peace within and around you, in what you have now and the simplicity of nature, to be simple in life and realize that joy is all around us not just in human relationships. Life is a journey to be lived and you shouldn’t be afraid to take risks, to try something you haven’t before and break free from the conventions of society, only then can you truly discover life and yourself, and nothing is impossible and also that the only person that can make you happy is yourself. I think i will explore nature and live life and experience it as best as i can, but i won’t go radical like Mccandless, but he is still an inspiring person.