So I wrote out a reply then couldn’t send it on my phone ughhh..
Basically it said:
Thank you so much for your kind words and response. You are 100% on the money. I woke up today saying to myself U NEED A BREAK. I’ve been running myself ragged 24/7 trying to put my life back together I don’t even enjoy life anymore. I never stop. It’s pretty insane and obsessive. I look at animals and realize this isn’t fair. So I totally agree with you on purpose. Our only job is to stay alive and our body does that so our next job would be to take care of our bodies. Our machine.
I also think about how we take vacations to poor countries and feel bad for them. Maybe it’s paradise because they aren’t ruled by wealth and image.
Right again! Why should I care what people think! And the sad part is no one has said anything this is me assuming what they’re all thinking. My negative self talk and projecting it. I decided today I’m going to try and care a little less everyday and like you said take it one step at a time. I don’t think it was my decision I think my mind can’t handle it and my body can’t handle it. And you confirmed what I knew deep down.

Each time I spoke to the internship coordinator she said “we are still waiting on a start date” and that’s it. It’s government funded so they are waiting for that. But I have no clue how long I am supposed to wait. She doesn’t saying anything to reassure me. She’ll say end of April, early may, mid may. And when the dates pass with no contact I call her. Now she just says I don’t know. Like how can you say that. I’m supposed to wait week after week with no idea when it will start. I have an interview somewhere else tomorrow thank god! It’s nothing special but it’s a job with more concrete info then this BS internship. So I hope it works out. When they get their crap together I will quit and start.

Thank you so much for throwing me a life raft 🙂