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StraightNoChaser

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 32 total)
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  • #276029

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    lol at probably would kill him. That’s funny.

    I do but I know I have met my twin flame. I know because when trying to find out what’s going on I came across the concept. I hope you’re right about the imposter part. That would be liberating.m and freeing lol

     

    but it would be interesting to know if anyone has gotten through the karmic lesson and has successfully reunited with theirs.

    #73733

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Thanks Will! That was really nice to read as I was starting to regret my decision. I’m glad to hear you thought it was a good idea. I am taking it a bit hard. I guess after getting the same results no matter the approach takes a toll on someone. I’m going to take maybe a week or two to feel the hurt then try and pick myself back up. Definitely won’t be dating or talking to anyone for a while. My natural reaction is to retreat and I’ve already been pretty anti social maybe I need the opposite. I’ve had a string of bad luck this past year with dating too. I’m like a lion: i stake out my prey and then slowly make my move. Maybe I’m a little too methodical. I just like to really access the person I’m attracted to before I jump into anything. I always seem to miss the fact they are dating someone lol, maybe that’s what I like about them: They are nice to me,don’t try to hit on me, listen to what I’m actually saying, I feel comfortable. I guess most guys who are interested don’t behave in that way or I don’t know I guess. I think what I can take away from this as much as it hurts, is to just come right out with it from the start. If I like someone ask them out. It I meet someone attractive find out right away if they are dating someone. Don’t wait too long, go after what you want right from the start. I feel maybe I am too hard on myself when I like someone, I wait for them to approach me while showing no signs of any attraction. Oh well now I’m just rambling. It will be a hard week but he is a sweet guy, so hopefully he will make this transition easy on me. Thanks again Will.

    #73712

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi,

    Thanks for your reply. A little late though lol. I ended up telling him and he is in fact in a relationship. Its fine though he was really sweet about it and I feel a bit better living in reality lol. I’m not going to lie it sucks but I’ve been here before and I admire my courage for doing something I was afraid to do. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am excited for these next steps in my career. I leave that job in 3 weeks and onward and upwards. Trying to make myself feel better.

    #53011

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi Jason,

    I am not too familiar with the Jungian Philosophy however I can relate to that numb feeling. I feel that being numb is a sign of depression. More in the clinical sense. Like you said you have fulfilled all of your desires and are doing great work on self reflection/discovery. Because I feel it is clinical maybe it is the body you can treat instead of the mind. Maybe try a detox or cleanse, a new physical activity, sleep more, maybe a vacation, yoga? Get those serotonin levels up so that your body can match your mind.

    I believe depressed can be environmental(I’m depressed because) or clinically(I feel down/numb no reason). Maybe keep a food diary and see how you feel when you eat certain things or a mood diary in general.

    That’s all I have to offer. Maybe someone more familiar with Jungian philosophy has more insight but I feel you are on the right track.

    Hope that helped.

    #52731

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    It’s going to take some time to get over him. Maybe write him a letter you don’t send and get everything out about how you feel. Don’t stop writing until you have nothing left to say. Then put the letter away. Think about what you would tell a friend in this situation to motivate your decision to move past this. A year or two from now u might find the letter and have no idea who it was about. Time is funny that way. You’ll be okay

    #52729

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi Christie,

    It does sound like a “revenge of the nerds” type of situation. I don’t think it turned out how he expected. When you have a crush on someone you build them up in your head and its not the same when you date them.

    I had almost the exact same situation,guy liked me for years so I went out with him and now we don’t talk. They enjoy the fantasy version of you.

    I think that’s all it is but he seems immature and has used this scenario as some kind of revenge. Don’t believe him he may just be embarrassed he couldn’t follow through with the relationship.

    He’s not a friend either. I’m wary of befriending people who have crushes on me. Once again it’s an idealistic version of me they like and how can you be an honest friend when you’re trying to win someone over? Might of just been your friend because he liked you.

    I’m glad you see you don’t deserve this treatment and maybe you’ll miss the attention but don’t wait for him to decide to be in your life. You’ll be wasting your time.

    Hope that helped. And it sounds like you have a good set of better friends.

    #49653

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi kadi,

    Sounds to me like you feel like something is missing. You are not fulfilled by maybe your program, situation, whatever else.

    You are doing all the right things so I don’t know if its something you can find externally. Maybe there’s something unsettling and deep down you haven’t dealt with it.

    Enjoying yourself is hard when you feel like you are not doing enough to begin with. And then you feel guilty anytime you do enjoy yourself.

    You are allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to be sad. You’re allowed to do whatever you need to do to make it though the day, week, month, year.

    Just because you think that you have it pretty good and you shouldn’t complain doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to complain. Your emotions are valid and you can’t bottle it up because it may sound irrational.

    I think deep down you know what’s making you feel so unsettled. It could be that school is ending soon, one chapter of your life is ending.

    When you have bad thoughts confront them. Ask yourself “where is this coming from?” Once you confront what’s going in in your head you can recognize the pattern that triggers the negative thinking.

    What do you think?

    #49649

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi Ashley,

    Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The best advice I can give is to take everything one day at a time and one step at a time. You have a lot to be proud of and that hasn’t changed.

    It’s hard to get back in the mindset where you feel centred and balanced but little things can make a difference. Music helps me. I will go on a music spree and get super motivated(depending on the song).

    Walk through a bookstore, you don’t have to buy anything but browse. Looking at the magazine rack sometimes inspires me. I usually feel so disconnected that seeing a bit of pop culture (or any culture) brings me back.

    I have a tendency to be a loner especially in the winter. I get sucked into my own world.

    Ill watch an old episode of my favourite show. If you can remember any movie you watched, or song you heard, book you read when you were at your best it may trigger an emotional response. Some songs I hear remind me of being carefree ex. the movie disturbia always reminds me of that wonderful transition between spring and summer. And I remember being happy and blah blah blah.

    Hope that helps 🙂

    #49648

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    I know how you feel. I hate when people say crap like that. You want to say “I don’t even know why I talk to you anymore” lol worse then that is when they say “awww”.

    A variation to that advice would be “everything will work out in the end, and if it hasn’t worked out then it isn’t the end”. I keep that in the back of my head. It ain’t over til it’s over.

    I’m having a hard time right now too and it really does feel like it will never end. I can’t picture my life being any better its been this way for so long. Sometimes you want someone to tell you exactly how it will get better. You want a psychic to tell you a month from now you will [insert dream here].

    The only thing that keeps me going is that if I do make it one day to help/inspire people who are going through the same thing. I don’t know if you watch How I Met Your Mother but I picture my life kind of like that. Narrating my story watching myself breakdown and saying “little did I know my dream job would call me two months later and my life changed”

    Don’t know if that made sense or was helpful but I don’t want to piss you off with bad advice just want to give you a little hope without saying it will all work out. 🙂

    #46596

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Thank you all again for your replies! I think you might be on to something Mary, since I’ve been so turned off of dating I am meeting better people. and they are coming to me! I went on a date last week with a guy I’ve been msging for two months. I didn’t feel like he was into me and it made me feel weird. I felt weird because I didn’t really care. I thought he could possibly be a good friend. Another part of me felt like just because he wasn’t trying to get in my pants that night I thought he wasn’t into me. I found it sad that this is how I’ve been basing most of my relationships on. If they want to bang me they like me and I’m always blindsided. I’ve been with dozens of men so it took this for me to realize that a guy who’s interested will want to get to know me! Duh!!!

    I have to say to Joseph and Jade your comments really made me think and feel good. Joseph, you seemed to hit the nail on the head.this should of been so obvious. The right person for me won’t care and won’t judge me. I guess I was trying to fit into society norms or what I think I see around me or what’s on TV. I never once considered that the right guy for me is the right guy for ME, as an individual. I was trying to put a square peg in a round hole.
    Jade, your comments made me feel a lot better as well. There is someone for everyone and it came at the right moment because it was right after Joseph’s point which proves there is nothing wrong with being sexually active. I was so ashamed of this for so long. I think you are 100% right and I am thankful you took the time to reach out to me 🙂

    what I have read in the last week has made a tremendous impact on my self esteem. I really do consider everyone’s opinion and I sit back and mull it over in my head. I don’t know why I didn’t see it this way before.

    I have a second date with someone tonight. I spilled my guts to him and was 100% myself and he asked me out for a second date. There was no sex exchanged and we just talked for 5hrs. With every date I am learning more.

    #46398

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    I understand how you feel. The expectation is there that when you msg someone they respond and you feel insulted when they don’t respond. It seems like he’s calling all the shots, he decided this was just a sexual relationship, he decides when sex happens and he decides when communication happens. This guy sounds like a jerk hopefully he is a decent lay otherwise not worth it. If you are okay with just a casual relationship there are so many other men who would be open to that.

    You deserve a mutually satisfying casual relationship.

    #46397

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi Joseph,

    You gave me a lot to think about. I feel no better than a whore at times. I feel like no guy wants to marry a whore. a wife would be pure and innocent. I feel ashamed. I feel unworthy of love. I feel like guys can use me until the real thing comes along. I notice I lie to myself a lot and let whoever take the reigns of the relationship because I don’t want them to think I’m too pushy and trying to hard. I really don’t know how to behave. I know I can be myself but sometimes I’m worried they can’t handle me. I don’t know why it’s easier for me to make friends then to date.

    Boyfriend material? I found this interesting. I don’t know what boyfriend material would be. Husband material would be a partner, a best friend, someone who could be a decent father. Honest, hardworking, loyal.

    #46396

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Cesar I am very sorry to hear that and appreciate your support. I don’t have much to say because I think it’s amazing you have experienced the kind of long that spanned 8 years. I haven’t had any relationship anywhere as long.

    I think you will be okay. I know all that time spent feels like a waste of time but you learned so much. I find men who have dated long term usually are really good with women. I think you will find love again but you might need to let loose for a while. I also find men who just got out of something serious aren’t ready for another relationship. You might find yourself in a similar situation.

    I feel like when it comes to relationships the ball is in the guys court. Is that just my perception? I feel like its never up to me. That’s why I feel like you will have no problem finding love again but can’t say the same for myself. I’m glad we have this site and each other. Thanks

    #46354

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi Joseph! Yeah I have been working on my self worth but I don’t feel at times wife or girlfriend material.

    #46349

    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Thank you for the replies and your advice. I appreciate your perspectives. I’ve been experiencing a lot of “be careful what you wish for” scenarios. Everything I’ve ever wanted is manifesting and once it arrives I’m so uncertain and overwhelmed. I will probably come back here and complain in a few months that I’m overwhelmed with men who love me. LOL if only haha 😉 ill keep u posted

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 32 total)