I’m sorry you are feeling this way, it must be hard.

Have you considered having some therapy about these issues? It sounds like they run very deep and you may benefit from it.

I wonder if you can try really hard to put these negative thoughts about your boyfriend aside? Every time you find one of these thoughts arising, mentally say to yourself ‘This is an irrational thought. I am going to ignore it’ and then move on to something else. So instead of having horrible fantasies about what could go wrong, shut the fantasies down and mentally focus on something else? You could even create a mental picture of yourself pushing the negative thoughts aside.

You may also want to try building up your own self esteem. Tell yourself ‘I am worthy of my boyfriends affection and attention’. I hope this might help you to counteract your negative feelings.

I really hope you find some peace soon.