From the sounds of your post, there’s a lot of pain, anger, and frustration, but I’m wondering if it’s being set aside because you’re very quick to move to forgiveness and acceptance. If I was going to take a guess, I would say that you see yourself as a very good-natured person, down to earth, and maybe even shy away from anger and blame when others have said something that upsets you because you want to rise above those emotions.

Acceptance and forgiveness are noble goals, but not if it means we don’t allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of emotions that come before it. Like you, when I’ve been accused or criticized of being one thing or another, I wouldn’t get angry, I wouldn’t get upset, I’d rationally think about it, and maybe even try to communicate with the other person in a calm and constructive manner to prove them they’re wrong.

For whatever reason (it actually doesn’t really matter what exact words she used or what she accused you of being), she has decided to reject you and you every right to feel rejected.

Take a moment to observe your body and notice the tension in your chest and other parts. Breath your feelings in and not away or aside. Make space for them. Let them engulf you and pass over you like a wave. If you resist, your mind and body will continue to be the rocks against which the waves will painfully crash.

Also, be weary of the stories that your mind is telling you and over-generalization is the oldest plot line in the book. Thoughts like “women often deflect blame” and “[women] take feelings and emotions in then decide they can toss them away at will” is your mind playing tricks on you. Recognize them for what they are, stories that your mind makes up to distract you from the task at hand; feeling your feelings about the current situation.

It’s too bad that words are all we have to express ourselves, but if we remember they’re just words and it’s really the emotions behind them that are key, we can tap into a more objective sense of reality and not get bogged down by “I said”, “she said”, “I think”, “she thinks”, “I should have”, “she should have”, which is just circular argument and takes us no where.

You’ll get to acceptance and forgiveness, but not without distance, time, tears, sadness, anger, and heartache. Don’t try to avoid it.