From the sounds of your post, there’s a lot of pain, anger, and frustration, but I’m wondering if it’s being set aside because you’re very quick to move to forgiveness and acceptance. If I was going to take a guess, I would say that you see yourself as a very good-natured person, down to earth, and maybe even shy away from anger and blame when others have said something that upsets you because you want to rise above those emotions.

Acceptance and forgiveness are noble goals, but not if it means we don’t allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of emotions that come before it. Like you, when I’ve been accused or criticized of being one thing or another, I wouldn’t get angry, I wouldn’t get upset, I’d rationally think about it, and maybe even try to communicate with the other person in a calm and constructive manner to prove them they’re wrong.

For whatever reason (it actually doesn’t really matter what exact words she used or what she accused you of being), she has decided to reject you and you every right to feel rejected.

Take a moment to observe your body and notice the tension in your chest and other parts. Breath your feelings in and not away or aside. Make space for them. Let them engulf you and pass over you like a wave. If you resist, your mind and body will continue to be the rocks against which the waves will painfully crash.

Also, be weary of the stories that your mind is telling you and over-generalization is the oldest plot line in the book. Thoughts like “women often deflect blame” and “[women] take feelings and emotions in then decide they can toss them away at will” is your mind playing tricks on you. Recognize them for what they are, stories that your mind makes up to distract you from the task at hand; feeling your feelings about the current situation.

It’s too bad that words are all we have to express ourselves, but if we remember they’re just words and it’s really the emotions behind them that are key, we can tap into a more objective sense of reality and not get bogged down by “I said”, “she said”, “I think”, “she thinks”, “I should have”, “she should have”, which is just circular argument and takes us no where.

You’ll get to acceptance and forgiveness, but not without distance, time, tears, sadness, anger, and heartache. Don’t try to avoid it.

How is it, Dave, that you focus so much on “judgement” and misquote me, instead of listening to what I am saying 🙂 I specifically stated “In your particular case, it sounds like”. I made that conclusion based on your specific words “She blamed the whole thing on my ‘lack of happiness in the myself’. She accepts no responsibility for what happened (sighting me as the problem), or her callous behaviour.”

So, now you know, I was not judging you. Just your words 🙂

Do you often focus on specific words when you communicate with people instead of listening to the entire thing? Or are you only doing it because you are angry right now 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Alexey Sunly.

PS What Peter wrote is absolutely true too…. we must accept the fullness of each emotion as it comes to us and not be afraid of it. And the Work I speak of does not for a minute suggest you deny any of your feelings.. they must be listened to, acknowledged, felt and let go…and as you are still in the early stages, you will pass through many..

Haha 🙂 You are entitled to feel whatever you wish, Dave 🙂 But you haven’t answered any of my questions, have you 🙂

Once again, Dave, yes, in fact, you did misquote me the first time. Do you realize a difference between “It sounds like you are not listening…” and “Once again, duh Dave it’s you!!” First statement relies on the observations made from specific words you provided which I specified to you, and second one is something your made up.

“So… 1st step look at yourself right?… obvious really therein lies the problem. Never mind that SHE left ME without explaining anything in a cold callous way”

First step is to admit that you are not perfect… You are right, Dave 🙂 What could I have been possibly thinking! Clearly, you are perfect, and that’s why your girlfriend left you… Makes sense! Being a cold and callous person, she just couldn’t handle having to compare herself to such perfect human specimen like yourself all the time 😉

So, I guess you are right. There is not much support I can provide someone like you, since I am just like your girlfriend… SO very imperfect, and so very very suspicious with all these crazy 🙂 in my posts. But here is the good news, Dave, since you are so very great and perfect, I am sure you’ll have no problem finding yourself another girlfriend, who is not at all callous and cold, and you don’t really need my support after all! Really really great news, isn’t it 😀

Haha, why, thank you for the fabulous insight, Dave 🙂 And my name is Alexey, by the way. Next time you decide to share your valuable opinion with someone, especially someone who did not ask for it, I suggest you pay attention to the person you are talking to and maybe even listen to them for a change instead of fabricating crazy stories in your head. It helps! I am sure your ex-girlfriend would have appreciated that, just like everyone else 😉

Haha! Well, let’s hope things will only get better for you from here, Dave 🙂 I know I will. But, unfortunately, I know that you will be back again and again and again, I am afraid. And your girlfriend is not going to stick for much longer than she has already before the break up, unless you change the way you interact with people and listen to them instead of attacking them.

Oh, and don’t expect me to provide you with any more attention than I already have. Next time you need help, you’ll have to to contact me in private and pay really good money for me to listen to your crazy stories, because they are not really as entertaining or insightful as you might think 😉

And, once again, my name is Alexey. But for you, specifically, it’s Mr. Sunly. Talk to you later, Dave.