Hi Isabelle,

I just read through your post and I thought I’d add something to Buddhist Wife’s wonderful advice. This one act does not define you. You may have felt gross and/or ashamed in that moment, but you do not deserve to feel those things for having made this mistake.

I shoplifted when I was your age, and I also got caught and detained in a security room–with my mother, who was an aisle over when I shoplifted. Even more embarrassing (I thought), I shoplifted diet/digestive items because I had an eating disorder. I was mortified and felt completely down on myself–and then I let those feelings fuel more behavior that led me to feel ashamed. If I were to go back and talk to my younger self, I’d say, “You deserve and need your own love right now. You made a mistake, but this mistake does not make you.” Then I’d try to be objective and learn what feelings inspired my actions instead of letting my feelings control me.

That’s something that could help you right now, as Buddhist Wife recommended. If you can get to the root of the feelings beneath this incident and learn something that can help you going forward, it can even end up being a positive experience.

So that’s my advice: try to figure out what led you to do what you did, and then find a lesson in that to help you move forward wiser and stronger. If I were there right now and it didn’t weird you out, I’d give you a big hug–as would anyone who could see just how much you’re hurting in this moment. I know it’s physically impossible, but mentally give one to yourself!

Love,
Lori