Priscilla I think you have taken the first step in identifying that this is an issue. I think the most helpful thing to do is talk to a therapist about it. I know from personal experience how damaging abuse at the hands of one’s father is. It impacts on all your relationships with men and women (especially if your mother failed to protect you). I think when our family fails us we look for family in outsiders and ultimately this can only incompletely satisfy our needs. Because non-family members are not really ‘available’ in this way.
And what your father and brother did was not your fault.
Namaste
A.