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Abe

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  • #46611
    Abe
    Participant

    : )
    Thanks Val
    I am going tomorrow morning
    (And just for the record, I didn’t tell my housemate not to use drugs in the house. I politely explained that I wasn’t comfortable with it.
    My mistake to phrase it that way in my post)
    A

    #46506
    Abe
    Participant

    Thanks Matt
    I have practised metta meditation before. And I can do this again.
    I don’t want to control anyone else’s life, just a tiny piece of mine
    I hope meditation will resolve this.
    Just looked at my facebook and found this:
    http://layoga.com/live/health-wellness/relating-to-feet/

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Abe.
    #46482
    Abe
    Participant

    Okay. Thank you Kinny. I didn’t realise this. It sounds helpful. I will try. And yes I have had massive childhood trauma.
    : )
    Abe

    #46481
    Abe
    Participant

    Hello Matt
    Thankyou. I googled Al Anon (in Australia) and it was all about alcoholism. That is why I didn’t understand.
    I appreciate your suggestions. They do make sense. I realise however that I did not mention this woman does not live in our flat. She lives with her five children elsewhere. I do appreciate she has serious problems and is meeting a very real need by behaving the way she does. Whilst I am angry I am not reacting angrily to her. I am not an aggressive person. So there is no open communication or argument. She accepts what I say and then comes back with a new way of trying to achieve what she wants. It is all very covert much of it via my housemate as a mouthpiece. This is so much more difficult than open attack. All I am aiming for is to be allowed to arrange the furniture in my own home (I have supplied all of this) without her input. I want her to behave like a guest. So much instability in my past makes home a really important place for me. I am feeling the affects of this in my body and in my yoga practice. (Base chakra is all over the place)
    It doesn’t help that my housemate finds me attractive, hit on me (unsuccessfully) before meeting this woman and had the bad sense to tell her this!! I saw his interest as an indication of low self esteem. She is insanely jealous of everyone – she said so outright.
    Their relationship has certainly been an opportunity for learning. I am looking at my interactions and asking did I, do I, overstep boundaries in this way? I have to make this arrangement work because I am very poor, unable to find work and embarking on four years of study. I have no capacity to move elsewhere. I am completely alone. And I find assertiveness enormously difficult.
    Thank you again
    Abe

    #46469
    Abe
    Participant

    Well Kinny
    You’re right it is not the response I expected. I think they would laugh at me if I went to Al Anon. I don’t drink and never have. I don’t take drugs – not even prescription drugs or painkillers. I am a yoga teacher studying to be a naturopath. I am not young and have had a long history of childhood abuse and trauma. So I think if substance abuse was going to be my response to trauma it would have happened by now. I am glad this process has helped you : )
    Any other thoughts anyone?

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Abe.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Abe.
    #46451
    Abe
    Participant

    Priscilla I think you have taken the first step in identifying that this is an issue. I think the most helpful thing to do is talk to a therapist about it. I know from personal experience how damaging abuse at the hands of one’s father is. It impacts on all your relationships with men and women (especially if your mother failed to protect you). I think when our family fails us we look for family in outsiders and ultimately this can only incompletely satisfy our needs. Because non-family members are not really ‘available’ in this way.
    And what your father and brother did was not your fault.
    Namaste
    A.

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